God Has The Last Word

 

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen. 1 Peter 5:8–11

When my precious mother-in-law had uterine cancer, 1 Peter 5:8-11 was a great comfort to

her. First, it reminded her that her trial did not surprise God. He was still sovereign and ruled over all her struggles. She could trust that He was still very much on the throne, very much in control. It also reminded her of the sad reality that in this fallen world of ours, we can’t escape hardship. (“In this world you WILL have trouble...” Jesus said in John 16:33 as he prepared his disciples for the future.) And we are not the only ones struggling, for “the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.” We are called then to “comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” (1 Corinthians 1:4) 

Peter may have been referring to the persecution of believers in his passage, but sickness and disease and pain are common to all. We can’t expect to get through this life without suffering, and yet, God Himself will “restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish” us! Not a proxy, but God HIMSELF! He sends us the very best—Himself—His own Son and Holy Spirit, His very presence and breath of life.

A more modern translation of 1 Peter 5:8-11 can be found in The Message:

He Gets the Last Word

“Keep a cool head. Stay alert. The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping. Keep your guard up. You’re not the only ones plunged into these hard times.

It’s the same with Christians all over the world. So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won’t last forever. It won’t be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ—eternal and glorious plans they are!—will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, he does.”

Thank You, Father, that you have the final say in all matters. Suffering will never overtake us, and You have set limitations to all our trials. You keep Your loving eye on us as we journey through this world. You carry us through the valley and You set us on the mountain top. Be with all those who struggle and mourn this day. Give them a sense of Your presence and Your peace. May they know without a doubt that You are with them this very moment. Encourage, strengthen and carry them through every step of their difficult journey. Amen.

Cherishing Our Communities

 I have been struck recently by how incredibly important community is, likely because of how great my needs have been this past year! But God created us for community, and in His great wisdom, He tells us just how we are to behave within these communities. I like to call these commandments the “One Anothers”. Being part of a community is a gift that does come with responsibility. As I have grown in His grace, the more I have experienced the power within these commands, particularly in the unexpected and sometimes unwelcome communities that I might find myself in.

The One Anothers

Love one another (John 13:34, 15:12, 15:17)

Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another (James 5:16)

Through love, serve one another (Galatians 5:13)

Bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2)

Encourage one another and build one another up (1 Thess 5:11)

Show hospitality to one another (1 Peter 4:9)

Be kind, tender-hearted, and forgiving to one another (Eph 4:32)

Always seek good for one another (1 Thess 5:15)

Gently, patiently tolerate one another (Eph 4:2)

Greet one another with the kiss of love. (1 Peter 5:14)

There have been times in my life where I am most often the recipient of these “One Anothers”! So many have served me, prayed for me, encouraged me, shared my burden, and gently and patiently tolerated me when on steroids! But one thing God has most certainly taught me over the years is that I am never off the hook myself—I can always give back. No matter what I am going through, I can always choose from the list of “One Anothers” and encourage, be kind, build someone up, or pray for someone. 

When I was very ill almost 12 years ago, I grew tired of talking, thinking and praying about myself. One day, while reading the book of Job, these words jumped off the page at me: “After Job had prayed for his friends, the Lord restored his fortunes...” (Job 42:10) God was calling me to let go of my self-pity and constant self-care and to begin putting others first. It revolutionized my prayer life at the time to lift up everyone else first. It gave me such a sense of purpose, such a mission. Sometimes I would find myself so caught up in praying for others, that prayers for myself didn’t seem so urgent anymore. Often I completely forgot to pray for myself at all. Instead, I began to trust the community of believers to pray for me, just as they could trust me to lift their needs before the Lord. It was so healing, both inside and outside. God’s commands, especially all those “One Anothers”, might look like they’re to bless others, but when we obey them, we discover that they are a huge blessing in our own lives as well.

Thank you Father for meeting all our needs through Your Son, the living Word, and the fellowship of believers created in him. You have given us a blueprint for how to love each other, to bless and be blessed. Embolden us to serve, encourage, bear with, and forgive all those you have put in our lives, to the glory of Your holy name, Amen.

He Gives Strength and Courage

 

My Story Is not My Story

 

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” Ecclesiastes 3:11

I’ve recently been reading the book “Living Life Backward” by David Gibson, a study of Ecclesiastes. While I still have a long way to go, I’m stunned and amazed by the truths I’ve had to come to terms with. The real whammy was the realization that my life story is not MY story! I still remember how I first reacted when I received my cancer diagnosis more than 11 years ago. I said to my husband, “This is so wrong! The main character of a story can’t die! Who would want to read a story like that??” 

The surprising but good news is that we are NOT the main characters of our stories—God is! He is the Creator, we are mere creatures. We are not even the writers of our stories—He is! And He has graciously written us into the script. We are blessed to be a part of the earth’s history, aka: HIS story. 

The truth that our stories are His should bring us a lot of comfort. We were actually created and chosen to be a vital and important part of His plan and His purpose for the world. How amazing is that! We are often anxious and nervous that we can’t control the events of our life stories, and especially our endings. As mere creatures, we "cannot fathom what God [our Creator] has done from beginning to end." We cannot fathom it because of our limitations of time and language and sight; we simply are not equipped to understand His mysteries from our vantage point on earth. But take heart! The Author has planned the most perfect ending imaginable. We can trust that the One who loves us so much that He sent his Only Son to dwell among us and to suffer and die for us, will write a much better ending to each of our stories than we ever could! Lean into Him and trust Him with your story. He is actively writing it; He thinks of you every moment as He weaves your life story into the greater story of His plan of salvation. May we all rejoice to be a part of His wonderful, marvelous, amazing story!

Father, thank You for the gracious reminder that we are but creatures and You are the Creator. You are the Author of our life stories and we rejoice in this gift! Help us to keep our eyes focused on You, to remember always that You have a good and perfect plan for us. Our time on earth will some day end, but it will only happen when Your purpose for each of us has been fulfilled. We rejoice in both Your plan for our lives right now, and in Your promise that our lives do not end here on earth! Whatever You do, endures forever. Amen!

Every Day Good Things Happen

This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is his faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, says my soul, therefore I have hope in him. Lamentations 3:21-24 

When I’m in a really tight place, or I’m admitted to the hospital again for the 7th time in a year, it can be easy to lose my positive attitude. And while I’ve been told it’s okay and even healthy to “wallow” a little and let myself feel the unhappy moments, it never does me any good to stay in that place. It’s not a life-giving, life-enjoying, life-appreciating place to be. I find it’s much better to shake off the self-pity and begin to wonder about the good things that will happen every day, and then to actively look for those good things. Is it the view from my hospital window? Sometimes, but it’s not always pretty! Once a hummingbird flew up to my 5th story window and entertained me for a bit; that was a beautiful sight in the midst of a brick and mortar metropolis and turned my thoughts instantly to the wonder of God’s creation. Life always conquers.

What is life-giving for me? Other life! The smile of a stranger, a text from a friend, the energy of a child; the bumblebee on flowers, the ebb and flow of morning cicadas, the cry of the mourning dove. I can be grateful for so much before I have even begun my day. Think of how many good things the rest of the day will hold! Yes, life is hard. Yes, there is tragedy in the world every day. But God will never abandon us in those places. When I look for the good, the evil shrinks and loses its hold on my heart. 

On a day when it’s truly hard to find goodness, I think of Fernando Ortega’s song “This Good Day” and I remember that the sunrise alone is a gift. “The world is turning in its place because You made it to. I lift my voice to sing a song of praise, on this good day.”

https://www.google.com/search?q=this+good+day+by+fernando+ortega&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari

Thank you, Lord, for the goodness we’ll discover on this day. Whether it comes through pain relief, an unexpected kindness or a moment of peace in Your beautiful world, You comfort us with Your presence and Your creation. You have not and never will abandon Your people. Rather, You are faithful to be close to the broken-hearted*. Bless all who suffer on this good day; show them Your glory and may they feel Your presence. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

*Psalm 34:18

Questioning God’s Direction

 “And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, ‘This is the way, walk in it,' when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left." Isaiah 30:21

The past couple of years have been a rollercoaster of remission and relapse, highs and lows. During the highs, we spent weeks meeting all our travel goals. During the lows, I spent time in the hospital, once for as many as 51 consecutive days. With high hopes that a promising CAR T-cell trial would give me a complete remission and at least a full drug-free year, I discovered instead that it has tethered me to the hospital for the past five months for thrice (and now finally, twice!) weekly blood transfusions. And the cancer? Well, it dropped dramatically to very low levels, but its persistence is worrisome, even after a good bout of cytokine release syndrome.

During my recovery, I have often wondered whether I heard God correctly. Was I really supposed to travel across the country to live away from my family for 3 ½ months? While everything seemed to fall into place so easily, I know that doesn’t always mean it was God’s idea. And yet…I’m still here! I’m able to drive myself now for the 4-hour round trip to the hospital! My counts are slowly recovering, with neutrophils back online, platelets holding for 4 days, and red blood cells holding as many as 12 days. It’s not where I had hoped to be after 5 months, but the prognosis before entering the trial was pretty grim. I took a chance, and even though I barely survived it, by His mercy and grace I've experienced many joys during this difficult season.

For one, the coronavirus quarantine has worked to my advantage, as it meant we had two wonderful young people in our home for several months: our youngest daughter, whose senior year of college ended abruptly, lived here while waiting to move closer to a teaching position this month, and a joyful college student who couldn’t return home to India stayed here until his college reopened this week. Our daughter was a tremendous help with driving me to appointments and making us delicious meals. In addition, two sisters-in-law and a niece moved to our small county for added fun and companionship, and we had numerous birthdays and anniversaries and holidays to celebrate. I’m incredibly grateful to have been here for it all, yet still wondering whether I heard God correctly as my prayer for complete healing goes unanswered. In fact, I need more healing than ever before right now! But today I’ve taken great comfort in the words of Susie Larson in her Daily Blessing for this morning, “Most answers to prayer come subtly, bits at a time. If you’ve been waiting a long time to see a major breakthrough, today’s a good day to look around at all of the prayers God has already answered….Don’t discount the small answers while you wait for the big ones.”

Every day’s a good day to remember what God has done for me. It might be something as subtle as a change of attitude, an opening of my heart where it has become hard, or gratitude that I can walk up the stairs without so much breathlessness. Right now, it’s the joy of being able to put my thoughts down in writing again and finally return to this blog! I need to remind myself to count my daily victories, sometimes hour by hour. God is always there, whispering which way to go. My spirit must be willing and still enough to hear His wise voice. But even if I mess up, I can rest assured that He’ll redirect me in the way that accomplishes His purposes for me.

Thank You, Father, for Your constant faithfulness. You always know when we need encouragement, and You always show up right on time. You know when we are going to mess up, and in Your great mercy and love, You always lead us another way. Thank You for using our trials to bless us, for turning even our difficulties into joys. To You be the honor, glory and power! Amen.

Resting in God's Power and Strength

“Awesome is God from his sanctuary; the God of Israel—he is the one who gives power and strength to his people. Blessed be God!” Psalm 68:35

A Christian radio speaker once said that at the root of nearly all our decisions and actions is the fear of death. While that may not be true on every occasion, I have applied it to myself many times. Sometimes I won’t witness to my non-Christian friends because of the fear of the death of our friendship. I sometimes drive past those in need of rides or money for fear of being attacked. Our subconscious motivation for working out and eating properly is often to maximize our time on earth. Even positive actions like helping others often find their motivation in a person’s need to do something good before he or she dies, to make a difference that will be remembered. Our society’s preoccupation with death is certainly a driving force.

As cancer patients, we can’t easily ignore this conscious or subconscious preoccupation with death the way we used to. We have to decide every day how to arm ourselves to fight off this attacker, or at least consider the illusion that it is drawing near. Will we use chemotherapy and medicines, or other alternative options such as diet and supplements? Will we meditate and exercise every day? How much time will we devote to thinking about our disease? While I believe it’s important to learn all we can about our illness and to use everything in our armory to heal, developing and maintaining a spirit of peace and contentment is even more critical. We should do all we can but trust God to fill in where we are weak. We can’t do it all, but He can. He will more than make up for our lack.

“He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.” Isaiah 40:29

Dear God, Only You can provide the peace and comfort and strength to withstand our trials. Fill in where we are lacking, Lord, and surround us with your angel army when we are most vulnerable and open to attack. Help us to trust that You will provide for all our needs and will show us the way out. Amen.

Remembering Who God Is

“Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.” Isaiah 12:2

After almost 8 years of constant cancer treatments, you’d think I would have conquered fear by now. But fear still creeps up on me when I let my guard down or let busy days squeeze out prayer time. Or sometimes it attacks in the middle of the night, when I begin to wonder about aches and pains that would be normal for most people, but not for a myeloma patient. Recently when I felt a fear attack coming on while driving to an oncology appointment, I heard the Spirit say gently to me, “Dana, you need to remember Who I Am.” I so often forget to look to Him first, to place Him between my life and my circumstances, and to see my circumstances through His love and His plan for me. I like to imagine the cross of Christ between me and every situation, reminding me to look at circumstances and conversations from His point of view, and trusting that He will filter every medical update, discussion, advice—even conversations with people who are difficult to love. Imagining the cross of Christ before me helps me remember to not only be a faithful witness, but serves as a comforting protection that I will hear and receive only what He desires for me.

If I really want to combat fear, I need to focus on the truths and promises in His Word. I need to remember that God’s plan to send his Son to earth was rooted in His great love for me and His desire that I would spend eternity with Him. He wants me to live abundantly and joyfully on this earth, resting in the assurance that He has much greater plans for me. Isaiah reminds us that, “Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.” (Is. 12:2) Death is not an enemy for the Christian. Conquering our fear of death opens up our lives to the joy that God wants us to have. “With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation. (Is. 12:3) I can accept what happens in my life without bitterness or defeat when I remember that God’s plans for me will always prevail, and that I will NOT leave this earth until his perfect plan for my life is complete! To combat fear, I remember Who He Is, and that no greater love exists. Our story on earth will not end until He decrees it. Until then, we can rest in His promise to be with us every step of the way.

“Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and your right hand delivers me. The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.” (Psalm 138:7-8)

Heavenly Father, We need You. We need You every moment of this challenging journey. As you told your people in Isaiah’s time, “If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all.” (Is. 7:9) How true this is for us! You are the only one mighty to save us. Lead us along the path that is right for each of us, increase our faith in your promises, and help us to trust You with every part of our lives. Help our unbelief, God. Help us to remember that Jesus already defeated death on the cross, and help us to walk in victory. Amen!

Letting God Lead the Way

“I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:1—2

Like so many cancer patients, I try to watch what I eat and drink to maximize my quality of life and to support my therapy, hoping always that food, drink, medicine, and prayer will heal me of this disease once and for all. Some days it can be overwhelming to navigate the research available regarding supplements and diets, and the impact that such foods may have—positively and negatively—on my disease. It’s easy to feel guilty for what I eat, as well as for what I don’t eat. 

Last spring I hired a nutritionist to guide me, but several months later I relapsed while on a special herbal protocol. My nutritionist wanted me to try another natural treatment, to “hit it hard” with a blend of burdock seed, poke, baptisia, mistletoe, and other natural poisons. She even called this special formula “Saving Dana”. She is not a quack in medical circles—she teaches nutritional classes to medical students at well-known hospitals and has a pharmaceutical background, and I have the utmost respect for her. But even though I knew her custom blend would never be enough to combat my aggressive disease, it was such a dear, generous, and loving gesture to prepare a special tonic for me that I didn’t want to disappoint her. I took it faithfully while my oncologist ordered a biopsy of a lymph node and we waited for results. A month later, after taking only the special tonic, my numbers were worse than they had been in almost 7 years. God then led me to begin an immunotherapy that my oncologist recommended, thereby “ruining” the alternative treatment and letting the nutritionist down.

I know that many times alternative treatments work, but just as many—if not more times—they don’t. Perhaps the special tonic would have worked in another situation or if I had taken it longer, but my numbers were rising so quickly that I couldn’t take that chance. Nobody can make such a difficult, personal decision regarding a treatment or therapy except the patient. It’s the very same with our response to God. He doesn’t call us all to follow Him in the same way. I know some amazing Christian cancer patients who have been healed by faith alone and not with traditional medicine. In my situation, God has not chosen to work that way but rather continues to lead me to amazing doctors and new therapies that keep my disease at bay, but which do not eradicate my cancer completely. I yearn for Him to take it away forever, but He hasn’t chosen to do that yet.

The most critical thing we can do is pray for God to guide us. He is a God of order, not of confusion, and He will make the path clear for us. We can only follow the path, however, if we are walking in His light, if we are spending time in His word. “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” (Psalm 119:105) When I am swimming in a sea of confusion about which way to go, it’s almost always because I haven’t spent enough time in prayer, or because I haven’t been patient enough to hear His directive. Sometimes I’m so confused that I need to ask others to help me discern His guidance, and that’s okay, too. He doesn’t always speak to us directly—sometimes He speaks through others—but when we abide in Him as his “trusting sheep”, we will always recognize His voice, and we will always find His path.

The next most critical thing we can do is not to judge one another’s decisions, but to pray earnestly for one another. Mother Teresa said: “Criticism is nothing less than dressed up pride. It eats up all the love of God.” We’re all in this together—let’s pray earnestly for each another and not judge one another’s treatment decisions. God does not treat all His children alike—our burdens are not the same—but He loves us equally and passionately and will always do what is right for each of us. What an amazing God we serve!

Dear Lord, We are drowning in options and information in this society! Help us to make sense of the treatments available to us. You have created these marvelous bodies, and You know exactly what they need to be healthy and to fight disease. Help us to hear Your voice and to follow Your lead. Shine Your light on the right supplements, the right protocol, the right doctor. We know that You have amazing plans for each of us, and every day we wake up amazed that You want to use us for another day. Thank You for this gift of love! In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Standing Still

“Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken.” Psalm 62:5-6 

So many times during my years as a cancer patient my plans are suddenly interrupted by a reminder of my disease, and life comes to an abrupt standstill. The most challenging days are by far waiting for those interminable test results. The hours in my days are difficult to fill with any kind of meaningful focus, and constant thoughts of “what-if” put me in a very vulnerable position spiritually. The “what-ifs” quickly give way to uncertainty, which gives way to fear, which could easily lead to despair. I begin to doubt all the treatment choices I have made in the past, and wonder whether I ever heard God correctly. I begin to doubt my doctor, in spite of the excellent care she has given me for more than 6 years and the undeniable fact that she was brought to me by God just when I was about to make a major mistake at a different hospital. But worst of all, I begin to doubt that God is in control. Have I been following His lead correctly? Am I really where He wants me to be? Why would He bring me to this place?

When life comes to a standstill, I have two choices: fret myself into deeper anxiety as I seek the world’s wisdom and spend more time on research than in prayer, or throw myself on God's mercy and choose to trust that He will lead me when the time is right. I can testify that the first option does nothing to help me sleep at night; it robs me of my daily struggle to have victory over cancer. While researching my disease is not a bad thing in and of itself, the Internet soon becomes my god. Researching blindly brings only greater anxiety; it is only productive when God leads me, and not vice versa. Remembering that He is sovereign, that He is still and forever in control, will always produce peace and will lead to much greater clarity. As Charles Spurgeon so vividly puts it: “Cowardice says, ‘Retreat; go back to the worldling’s way of action; you cannot play the Christian’s part, it is too difficult. Relinquish your principles.’ But, however much Satan may urge this course upon you, you cannot follow it if you are a child of God. His divine fiat has bid you to go from strength to strength, and so you shall, and neither death nor hell shall turn you from your course. What, if for a while you are called to stand still—yet this is but to renew your strength for some greater advance in due time."

Standing still may be God's plan for us; it may be a time to pause and draw closer to Him, in preparation for what is to come. Satan will swoop in during these times to plant all different seeds of doubt; he will try to convince us that we have been on the wrong path. He will do everything he can to pull us away from prayer by convincing us that it is not helping. P.T. Forsyth said that, “The worst sin is prayerlessness” and the root of all sin is self-sufficiency. We must not be tempted to take matters into our own hands! If we have sat at God’s feet and prayed, yet nothing seems to be happening, we must not give up on Him but rather "stand still" and wait for His deliverance. In many times throughout the Bible, God orders His people to “stand still” in order to SEE their deliverance!

1 Samuel 12:16: “Now then, stand still and see this great thing the Lord is about to do before your eyes!”

Exodus 14:14: “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

Psalm 46:10a: “Be still, and know that I am God.”

Every morning, a “Daily Blessing” is delivered to my email address by Susie Larson (info@susielarson.com). This morning’s was particularly fitting and beautiful: “May God give you extra grace to thrive in life even when your heart is breaking. May you enjoy spilling-over-joy even before the breakthrough comes. May you find cause to celebrate and rejoice over all that is right in your world. Refuse to let your angst have the last say. God is the Redeemer and makes all things new. Never give up hope. Keep believing that God is good because He is, and He intends to redeem your story. Blessings on your day.”

Heavenly Father, Grant me the grace to wait patiently for You, and the will power not to take matters into my own hands. Help me to stand still and wait expectantly, with peace and joy, for the deliverance that You have planned. May this time be a period of strengthening and growth. Thank You for Your perfect timing, Your faithfulness, and Your great love for Your people. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Rejoicing in Suffering

“Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s suffering, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.” I Peter 4:12—13

 I’ll never forget the first time our pastor visited me in the hospital. I was feeling very peaceful and even hopeful, despite the grim prognosis and the fact that I couldn’t get out of bed. He proceeded to give me Holy Communion, but when he began the liturgy and referenced the sufferings of Christ, tears began streaming down my cheeks. A sudden realization came upon me that my suffering did not come close to the pain and alienation that Jesus experienced. I realized that in fact, compared with what Jesus endured, my unfortunate circumstance could hardly be counted as “suffering” at all. I was cherished, loved and cared for by family, friends and a compassionate medical team: not betrayed, cast away, and abhorred by man. I was in a comfortable room with pain medication regularly delivered: not struggling in agony for every breath while nailed to a cross. Compared with Christ, I will never experience true suffering. Thanks to Christ, I can instead rejoice in my suffering.

In his message “Why We Can Rejoice in Suffering”, John Piper explains that we as Christians can rejoice because we know God is sovereign over our trials; we know He is faithful to be with us in the midst of our pain; and we know and trust that He is in control of our circumstances. All suffering is purposeful in that “it proves and strengthens real faith.” Our pain may be great, but God can use it for our good. What is another reason Christians can rejoice? Because we know that “….in the hour of greatest trial there is a great consolation. In great suffering on earth there is great support from heaven. You may think now that you will not be able to bear it….[but] the Spirit of glory and of God [will rest on you] in suffering.….The Spirit will reveal enough of glory and enough of God to satisfy your soul, and carry you through.” Piper exhorts and encourages his listeners to “seek to be holy; seek to bring truth; seek to bear witness; and do not turn aside from risk. And sooner or later you will experience the Spirit of glory and of God resting upon you in suffering.”

Holy Lord, we praise You for the peace and joy that Your Spirit amazingly pours out upon us during times of trial. Help us now, Lord, as we cry out to You from this place of pain and suffering. Surround us with Your love and assurance. May we bring glory to You through our trials! In the name of Your son, our Savior Jesus Christ, Amen.

Our Most Important Legacy

“This day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” Nehemiah 8:10

Many cancer patients struggle with coming to terms with their mortality. We used to feel invincible; we never imagined that death was knocking at our door. Ignoring death was easy in the B.C. (before cancer) years but nearly impossible in the A.D. (after diagnosis) days. There are just too many reminders: doctor appointments, blood work, treatments, and especially friends and other acquaintances who die from the disease. Now we have to actually face this very real enemy called Death, this robber of our days. We have to acknowledge death and decide what to do with it.

When people ask me for advice on dealing with the fear of death, five simple but powerful words come to mind: KEEP YOUR EYES ON JESUS. Counselors will provide many helpful and proactive strategies like organizing your photos, reviewing your will, journaling, and creating a “bucket list” of all the things you’d like to do before you die. Keeping busy and productive certainly helps me not to think about death, but it does nothing to take away the fear of death. When fear strikes during the quiet times, the “bad-news-from-the-doctor” times, or the times I check the local obituaries and see whom cancer has stolen today, the only remedy is to keep my eyes on Jesus.

Fear that drives us to God is not a faithless fear, but a faith-filled fear. Christians should not be ashamed to feel afraid; even Jesus, the most perfect example of humanity, was afraid before going to the cross. And Jesus, this most perfect example, showed us what to do with our fear when he spent hours in prayer before his Father in the garden of Gethsemane. When I can’t find the words that I need to pray, I read a Psalm, such as Psalm 61, which Charles Spurgeon calls “a pearl…little, but precious. To many a mourner it has furnished utterance when the mind could not have devised a speech for itself.” Spurgeon also writes: “It is hard to pray when the very heart is drowning, yet gracious men plead best at such times. Tribulation brings us to God, and brings God to us. Faith’s greatest triumphs are achieved in her heaviest trials.”

When we pray, we can ask Jesus to redeem all the time we have left on earth. We must remain active in service for Him, never passive. Many of us no longer have the strength for the tasks we used to do, but we can still pray fervently. Job was the most stricken human being in the Bible; his story is incredibly humbling, because we will never suffer the way he did. Yet he did not turn away from God—Job cried out to God in deep despair, and God met Job’s deepest need. Yet when did God restore Job? “After Job had prayed for his friends, the Lord made him prosperous again and gave him twice as much as he had before.” (Job 42:10) That verse really struck me in the early days of my diagnosis, when the disease was rampant and I felt as though death was closing in. I could do nothing while lying in that hospital bed BUT pray. But the Lord soon showed me that my prayers were not all to be for myself. I realized that He wanted me to pray for others: for my husband, my children, my friends, my extended family, those cancer patients receiving chemotherapy next to me, and even despairing strangers whose names I knew from cancer forums and whom I would never meet. The Lord gave me a mission and a legacy.

In his book Praying Circles around the Lives of Your Children, Mark Batterson agrees that our prayers are our greatest legacy. Our prayers will continue to be answered long after we have left this earth, just as we are experiencing the blessings from prayers that grandparents and ancestors prayed for us. Batterson writes: “I believe that every blessing, every breakthrough, every miracle in your life traces back to the prayers that were prayed by you or for you. One of the greatest moments in eternity will be the day God peels back the space-time curtain and unveils His sovereignty by connecting the divine dots between our prayers and His answers. That infinite web of prayer crisscrosses every nation, every generation. And when God finally reveals His strange and mysterious ways, it will drop us to our knees in worship. We will thank Him for the prayers he did answer. We’ll also thank Him for the prayers He didn’t answer because we’ll finally understand why. And we’ll thank Him for the answered prayers we weren’t even aware of.”

What can we do when fear strikes our hearts? Pray. Throw ourselves at His feet and pray. Pray the Psalms. Pray for others. As we pray, we will realize that we no longer pray because of our fear. Fear drives us to prayer, but as we pray our hearts begin to change. Fear is replaced by joy and love for the One who created us and is present with us. We pray out of devotion “to God who adds days to our days”, with gratitude and thanksgiving for each day that we are here to do His work and to participate in the greatest legacy He has planned for us—to pray for others.

Thank You Lord, for the gift of prayer. Thank You that You are always present to hear us, to comfort us, and to bless us with Your mercy and grace. Help us to focus our prayers, not just on our own needs, but on the needs of others. Help us to pray according to Your Spirit, and when we cannot find the words, comfort us with Your promise to intercede for us. We praise You, the One from whom ALL blessings flow!

Psalm 61

Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer.

From the ends of the earth I call to you,

I call as my heart grows faint;

Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe.

I long to dwell in your tent forever

And take refuge in the shelter of your wings.

For you have heard my vows, O God;

You have given me the heritage of those who fear your name.

*Increase the days of the king’s life,

His years for many generations.

May he be enthroned in God’s presence forever;

Appoint your love and faithfulness to protect him.

Then will I ever sing praise to your name

And fulfill my vows day after day.

*David is praying this psalm for himself; you may wish to speak in the 1^st person to make it a personal plea for yourself: “Increase the days of MY life, MY years for many generations. May I be enthroned in God’s presence forever; Appoint your love and faithfulness to protect ME.”

What Kind of Sufferer Am I?

“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” James 1:12

Have you ever been offended by the words of comfort that someone offers you? Shortly after my cancer diagnosis, I bristled when someone shared the truth that God works all things for the good of those who love Him. (Romans 8:28) On the other hand, I felt buoyed when someone offered me false hope, prophesying without conviction, “You WILL beat this!!” I wanted to hear empty words of hope, not the cold, hard truths about how God uses suffering in my life. Because of my own reaction to words of comfort, I have become wary of offering any words to others during their time of distress. It’s so difficult to know what will speak to them and encourage them, versus what will bring added grief and pain.

In his book “Walking with God through Pain and Suffering”, Timothy Keller shares his insights on the diversity of suffering and how the words we use will have a different impact depending on the type of sufferer a person is. Keller writes: “Some people in suffering are tempted toward self-pity and pride, toward feeling like a noble martyr. They need gentle opposition. Others are tempted toward shame and self-hatred. They need assurance.” Keller’s categories, while certainly not applicable to every situation, have been such a help to me.

Just this morning, I was discussing them with a mature Christian friend of mine. She is staying in our home while her family has moved to another city a few hours away. Because she is the bread-winner in the family, she has to stay here to work until her new job begins in a couple of weeks. Going through bankruptcy, losing their home and selling most of their possessions has been a major trial for her, and it would likely have been avoided if her husband had been able to work these past five years, but he has tried repeatedly and unsuccessfully to find a position. This friend told me that she always appreciates how I don’t give her any slack, and how my words convict her to pull herself up by her bootstraps, trust God, and get moving, to “walk on water and keep your eyes on Jesus”. At first, I was a bit alarmed to hear my words thrown back at me. “Have I shown you enough compassion?” I asked anxiously, because sometimes I (and many cancer patients, I have learned) don’t view non-life-threatening trials as seriously or as compassionately as they regard a terminal disease. Once I even said to her, after she had given me a list of all the truly distressing events of the day: “Well, all I can say is, at least you still have your health!”

My gracious friend assured me that she has always needed to hear the words that I have to say, and that those who give her too much sympathy or pity do nothing to comfort her. That was when I realized that she must be in the first category of Keller’s sufferers: those “noble martyrs” who need words of “gentle opposition”, Biblical truths that will convict them. My friend’s husband, on the other hand, definitely falls in the other camp. He is beaten down by feelings of uselessness and defeat, fretting that he is unworthy and unable to provide for his family. Tending toward shame and self-hatred, he needs more sympathy and positive encouragement from others, not gentle chastisement.

After neatly categorizing my friends, I realized that I had given very little thought to myself. What kind of sufferer am I? While there is overlap depending on the situation or trial, I must confess that when it comes to suffering with cancer, I would be the former type: the one who falls more easily into self-pity, the victim of my circumstances, the “noble martyr” who perseveres when life, through no fault of mine, throws arrows my way.

When I think “I don’t deserve this disease”, I need a friend to say to me gently: “This is the fallen world in which we live. Jesus didn’t deserve to die for your sins, but he chose to suffer on your behalf, so trust him NOW. Go to him and let him comfort you and fill you with his peace. There is no pain that you are suffering now that he has not endured as well. Rest assured that he has everything under control.”

“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

When I believe that I am just a victim of circumstance, I need to be reminded: “You are not a victim; we who are in Christ can claim his promises and his strength! He has crushed the power of sin and death. Claim the victory that you have in Him, and rejoice in this gift. Trust him and look for the ways that he will use this disease to strengthen you and to bless others in your life. Look for the purpose in it and the blessings from it, not just the difficult times and the losses. His grace IS enough.”
“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” Romans 8:37

When I wallow in the self-pitying thought, “Why me?” I need a friend to prick my conscience and say: “How much has the Lord spared you and saved you from in this life that you don’t even recognize and that you never even deserved? Have you even thanked Him lately for all the amazing gifts that He has given you? His grace knows no bounds! Rejoice that He is with you, that He will never leave you! The fact that He is allowing you to go through this trial is proof enough that there is a great purpose in it. Be part of the blessing—let Him use the disease for His glory! Don’t miss out on the miracles that can be achieved through this trial by turning away from Him!”

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1: 2—4

Thank You, Lord, for friends who speak the truth in love, and for Your Word that brings life. Thank You for all the pain that You have spared me from, and all the suffering that You have entrusted me with. Let me rejoice that ALL THINGS—even incurable diseases—can be used by You for the good of those who love You. May my disease be used for Your glory! Amen.

The Tyranny of the Urgent

“I have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do.” John 17:4

Most cancer patients battle fatigue on a regular, if not daily, basis. When I have a break in my treatment every three weeks or so, I’m amazed at how energetic I feel. It reminds me of the “nesting” activity that would strike at the end of each of my pregnancies. I am bursting with new ideas for improving the house, for new recipes, or for new curriculum for a high school program I’m involved with. I pull out books that I’ve been yearning to read, and I begin a major organizational project—or more accurately, several projects at once—such as cleaning out the pantry or organizing my beloved books. And then all my efforts come crashing to a halt a few days later when the fatigue sets in again, that never-ending cycle of too much and too little energy. Although it’s easy to blame my cancer for my lack of progress, the truth is, I have just as much time every day as everyone else. It’s my pattern of living that is the real problem.

Charles E. Hummel’s booklet “The Tyranny of the Urgent” is worth rereading every few months. By using the life of Jesus as a model, Hummel shows how we can have peace in our souls and joy in our tasks without the constant burden of guilt over what we have left undone. For one thing, Jesus was always about his Father’s task (“I always do what pleases him.” John 8:29). That is why, Hummel writes, Jesus was able to completely fulfill his ministry on earth in only three years. When I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma more than five years ago, I hoped for at least three years more to “minister” to my family like Jesus had. Instead, God has graciously nearly doubled that time for me, yet I have wasted more hours than I can bear to admit. I have missed endless opportunities to use my time to glorify God. But our gracious Lord always gives me another chance, another day to be used for Him.

The other lesson Hummel says we can learn from the life of Jesus is the balance between time with God and time with others. Compared to most Christians today, Jesus spent an amazing amount of time with his Father. He actually abided with God on a constant basis, seeking His will and His purpose every moment of the day. I tend to compartmentalize my prayer life and my practical life, and of course the practical demands squeeze out my time with the Lord. Learning to abide with Him in the midst of my activities has become a major and exciting practice: when I do it right, I can feel peace and a nearly leisurely sense in my spirit in the midst of busy moments. Abiding in Him and being about His business makes it clear to me what the priorities should be in my life. I’m able to prioritize the “important” and not become a slave to the “urgent”. 

Living with fatigue is not really the problem—God knows my limitations and what He apportions for me will be better than anything I could dream up for myself. As I heard on a Christian radio station recently: “God’s plans are better than our dreams.” And if we are about His work, our lives will be “finished” lives, no matter how long or short they might be.

Lord, I pray for Your will to be done in my life and in the lives of those who seek you. As we abide in You, show us how to use the time that You have given us. Let our lives be “finished” lives that bring You glory and complete the work that You have given us to do. Guide our decisions as we undertake new tasks and apportion our time. And thank You for every one of our days, precious gifts from You. Amen.

I'm Not Alone in This

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8

As I pass the fifth year since my diagnosis of multiple myeloma, I’m amazed at how little this disease has negatively impacted my life. By God’s grace, I can remember more joyful than painful days. My loved ones give me an incredulous look when I say this, and I have to remember that sometimes it is more difficult to watch someone you love struggle than it is to suffer yourself. But even though I mean it—I don’t think cancer has taken much away from me in terms of quality of life—that statement might sound a little disingenuous to those who know what I’ve been through. Yet, when I try to focus on the events that “should” be considered terrible, I’m unable to feel the depth of despair that others assume I should be experiencing. I have worried that I’m in a perpetual state of denial, or perhaps too emotionally shallow, or that my survival instincts are off the charts. But I know the real reason I’m blessed with such a perspective: It’s because I’m not in this alone. I’ve never been alone in this. Jesus has been beside me, holding my hand or even carrying me through all of the traumatic times. By God’s grace, I’m able to dwell on all the joys that each year brings, in spite of cancer, and sometimes even because of it.

I am not in this alone, and if you are a follower of Jesus, you are never alone either. Jesus faithfully continues to carry me through the tough days. His presence changes EVERYTHING. On days when I have to stay home to recover from a treatment, it can be tempting to feel sorry for myself and to let loneliness lead to self-pity. Instead, I’ve come to look upon those times as opportunities. They are precious opportunities to bask in the presence of the One who loves us more than we can fathom. He knows us intimately, loves us deeply, and will comfort us with the most incredible peace and assurance. Spending time with Him not only changes the level of pain and sadness during the trials: it changes my entire perspective on what has been and on what lies ahead. During times of pain or uncertainty, He draws even nearer to me so that my memories of these events have a sweet, almost nostalgic, feel to them. The overriding memory is not the painful suffering, but the way He wrapped me in His reassuring presence. Even today, as I sit home with a virus because of my compromised immune system, I can rejoice that I’m not sitting here alone. I’m not alone. I never will be. And you, believer, are never alone either.

Oswald Chambers writes in his devotional My Utmost for His Highest about Jesus’ promise always to be with us: “When it seems that there is nothing and no one to help you, say to yourself, “But ’The Lord is my helper’ this very moment, even in my present circumstance.” Are you learning to listen to God before you speak, or are you saying things and then trying to make God’s Word fit what you have said? Take hold of the Father’s assurance, and then say with strong courage, “I will not fear.” It does not matter what evil or wrong may be in our way, because “He Himself has said, ’I will never leave you . . .’ ”

Kutless: “Carry Me to the Cross”

Highly Recommended!

A beautiful expression of praise that we are never alone:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0UeOSrTEAs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6BahULUIdf0        (lyrics)

Dear Jesus, Thank You for your beautiful presence. Thank you for the grace you show me every day. Thank you for carrying me every moment. Thank you for turning my mourning into dancing, and my trials into victories. Thank you for all the answered prayers—the healings you have performed in the lives of many loved ones, the beautiful way you received our mother into glory this past year, and the testimonies you continue to give our family. Most of all, thank you for your promise never to leave me. I pray that all Your children might receive the blessing of the knowledge and assurance of Your comforting presence. Amen!

The Future is God's Job

“Then they believed his promises and sang his praise. But they soon forgot what he had done and did not wait for his plan to unfold.” Psalm 106: 12—13

Sometimes the best lessons in the Bible come indirectly—not from studying the laws and the commands, but from discovering the mistakes of others. I can look at the ancient Israelites and think, “What a shame they didn’t just wait for God’s plan in their lives. They made things so much harder on themselves.” Then this warm yet strangely uncomfortable feeling slowly works its way from my head to my toes. My heart begins pounding and I feel like a schoolgirl about to be reprimanded by her teacher. The Spirit whispers to my soul, “You are exactly like them.”

I do believe God’s promises and I do sing His praise. But I also want God to tell me what will happen next. I want to know when, how, and most importantly—WHY. When will He heal me? How long, O Lord, must I wait on You? And how is it going to happen? Will it be with a raw-food diet or some alternative treatment, the use of chemotherapy, or bone marrow transplants? Or, as many Christians ironically are loath to consider, will it be through the passage of death that leads to a most amazing eternity with Him and a most perfect spiritual body, where sickness and weeping will be no more?  I, for one, would love to know! But even if given the answers to how and when, I still would not be satisfied. I would want to know why He appointed this for me. What is the purpose? What is He hoping to accomplish?  

God, in His infinite wisdom, does not usually give us detailed descriptions of how He is planning to carry out His perfect plan for our lives. Instead, He asks us to trust that He knows what He is doing. He created us, He loves us, and He promises to protect and provide for us every moment of every day. He will give us all the information that we need when we need it, not a moment too soon nor a moment too late. He will give us all the grace we need to endure our trials when we need it, not a moment too soon nor a moment too late. His timing is always perfect. His plan is always for our good. The future is God’s job, not ours. All He asks is that we trust Him, rest in Him, allow Him to comfort us, believe in His promises, and wait for Him. It sounds so easy, but even those simple tasks are impossible for me without His grace.

Father, forgive me when I take matters into my own hands without consulting You first. Forgive me for looking for other ways to calm my anxious heart instead of turning to You. I beg You to increase my faith, and help me to trust You. Help me and my precious brothers and sisters in Christ to live like we believe Your promises. Let our lives be a source of hope and peace to others. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

The Limitations of Sickness

“Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance.” Philippians 1:18b-19

As one who wrestles with cancer, I sometimes feel like my sickness has the upper hand and has me pinned to the mat. I have to remind myself that by the grace of God, I am the one on top—my sickness is limited and finite and not in control. As a character in the teen movie Penelope puts it: “It’s not the power of the curse, it’s the power you GIVE the curse” that is the problem. But nobody expresses this idea better than Charles Spurgeon, who writes about the limitations of sickness in his devotional “Evening by Evening”. He reminds us that God is control of our sickness and it can only go as far as He ordains. As God’s purpose is always for the “instruction” and not the “destruction” of His people, we can trust that He will carry us through the trial and that He will never give us more than we can bear.

“The God of providence has limited the time, manner, intensity, and effects of all our sicknesses. Each throb is decreed, each sleepless hour predestinated, each relapse ordained, each depression of spirit foreknown, and each sanctifying result eternally purposed.” Remembering what God can do through my disease and how all of this can and should be for His glory helps keep me from spiraling down into self-pity. Instead, I can thank Him for the beautiful day that I am living right now and look to see what He has in store for me and for His kingdom. For He still has great plans for each and every one of us—every single day. As long as we draw breath, He has a beautiful purpose for us.

“This limit [of sickness] is wisely adjusted to our strength, to the end designed, and to the grace apportioned. Affliction does not come by chance—the weight of every stroke of the rod—is accurately measured. He who made no mistakes in balancing the clouds, and measuring out the heavens, commits no errors in measuring out the ingredients which compose the medicine of souls. We cannot suffer too much—nor be relieved too late!” These words of Spurgeon’s are incredibly comforting to me. So often I forget that God will always rescue me in time. How often does He need to do this before I remember it always? He will always rescue me at the exact time that I can bear no more. He will never, ever let me suffer more than the grace that He gives me to endure it. And none of my suffering is ever in vain if I allow Him to work it for good—for His glory, for my benefit as I draw closer to Him, and for blessing those around me. As my youngest daughter told me about three years ago when she was only 13, “Mom, your cancer has brought me so much closer to God.” Her spiritual growth is a blessing that I have thanked God for so many times. That alone stops me in my tracks whenever the “why me’s” begin to plague me.

“The limit is tenderly appointed. The knife of the heavenly Surgeon never cuts deeper than is absolutely necessary. ‘He does not afflict willingly, nor grieve the children of men.’ A mother’s heart cries, ‘Spare my child!’ but no mother is more compassionate than our gracious God.” I am awestruck when I remember how much God loves me. He loves me more than any parent, than any human being, ever could. He grieves to see me grieve, and He only allows that grief into my life when He has a beautiful, higher purpose for it. Here on earth, I can’t conceive what that purpose can be, but I can trust that a God whose love for me is so deep and wide and infinite is using all of this cancer to accomplish something beautiful and lasting, and to bless me in ways that otherwise would not have been possible for this strong-willed child.

Lord, help to remind me that cancer never has the upper hand—only You do. You are in control of this sickness. You will only allow it to go so far, and it will never hamper Your perfect plan for my life. This cancer is pinned down and limited by You, and it cannot escape from beneath You. You have rescued me time and again from fear and pain. You seek my good at all times and will never allow disease to thwart Your perfect plan for this day. Praise be to the Father, the Son, and to the Holy Spirit!

Healed Enough for Today

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth gives way, and though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea; though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling…Be still, and know that I am God.”  Psalm 46: 1—3, 10

 

The past few months have certainly tested our family but by the grace of God, our circumstances have not overcome us! After snorkeling with my teenagers one afternoon while vacationing in Mexico, I began walking back to the van when all of a sudden my right femur just…broke. It just broke. It was a very surreal experience, as most experiences are for those living with cancer. I grabbed my daughter’s arm and gently lowered myself to the ground. I was not in great pain, just confused and trying to convince myself that this was not happening to me, and certainly not in Mexico, of all places! My doctor had not wanted me to travel for other reasons, as my immune system was still reconstituting itself after my allogeneic bone marrow transplant 7 months earlier. We knew there was a tumor in my leg and had scheduled radiation to begin the day after our trip, but the radiologist had assured me that the bone was not compromised in any way. Apparently, she was wrong. I spent a day in a small local Mexican hospital where I was never more relieved to have studied Spanish in high school and college, as not a word of English was spoken or understood. A kind, elderly surgeon stabilized my leg, and then my hospital in the States arranged for a leer jet to pick me up in Cancun. Just two days later an orthopedic surgeon inserted a titanium rod in the broken femur, and I was up and walking and heading home.

 

My quick recovery was almost more amazing than the injury itself! Yet, it took some time and physical therapy to regain strength in my right leg, as I learned first to ambulate without a walker and then without a cane. Friends once again rallied around us, bringing us meals and driving me to radiation appointments. I couldn’t believe how quickly I found myself in such a needy, dependent condition. Lord, I thought, I don’t need any more reminders that life is fragile and special and wonderful! I have learned this lesson—You can stop teaching me! But during these four years since my diagnosis of multiple myeloma, I have been practicing a one-day-at-a-time mindset. Life can change so quickly with this disease and events happen so unexpectedly, that every day I try to have my life in order. Every day is special; every single day I have something to be grateful for. I try to soak myself in an “attitude of gratitude”, giving thanks before leaving my bed in the morning, and when the reminder on my cell phone tells me to “give thanks” in the middle of my busy day, and before I fall asleep at night. And God is always so close to me during times of trial that I can feel His presence so much more than during the “easier” times in my life, which never ceases to amaze me and always brings the joy that the apostle Paul writes about in Romans: “We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.” (Romans 5: 3—4)

 

Last month, I visited my older daughter at college, hoping to encourage her by how well my recovery was going and how much I had already resumed my normal activities. She told me that she had found comfort and inspiration in words I had spoken to her soon after my injury, words I didn’t even remember saying. She had asked me if God was ever going to heal me. I didn’t know, and still don’t know, whether His plan is to heal me completely of this disease. But, I told her, “He’s healed me enough for today.” And that is truly all that matters. He’s given me the strength and the courage and the hope for THIS day. This is the day that matters—not all the tomorrows that have yet to be and that will never be guaranteed to anyone. But look at what He is doing NOW! Today is a great day—I am driving and cooking and working and serving and worshipping an amazing God! What more can I ask of Him? He has healed me enough to live abundantly today, and that is worth all my rejoicing, and why He is worthy of all my trust and hope.

 

Thank You, Lord, for the amazing grace that You pour into my life. You truly are my refuge, my strength, and my “very present help in trouble”. I could not experience abundant living without You! Because of Your presence that surrounds me with such great love, I did not experience fear while alone in a foreign hospital; I did not experience fear over the future. I rested in You and trusted in You, and You were so faithful. Help me to abide in Your presence and Your love every day and never take You for granted. Bless those who need You right now and who are crying out to You for salvation. Rescue them and surround them with the peace that comes only from You, that special peace that surpasses all human understanding. In Your son Jesus’ holy name, Amen.

Accomplishing Great and Noble Tasks

“If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Philippians 2: 1—4 

One of the greatest heartaches when someone is diagnosed with cancer is the illusion (and it IS an illusion—nobody knows the future!) that he will never accomplish all of his goals in this lifetime. Our diagnosis is such a call to action, such an urgent appeal to our ego to get moving! It can make us mourn dreams that we never would have acted on even if we had NOT had cancer; everything becomes more important simply because now we may never have the opportunity to do it. I, for example, never liked to run before my cancer destroyed the vertebrae in my spine, but sometimes I find myself mourning the fact that I will never jog again, when I know full well that I WOULDN’T ever go jogging even if I COULD. It is that forbidden or impossible-to-reach fruit that looks most delicious. Instead of mourning what I cannot do, I am trying to imitate an amazing woman who could neither hear, nor see, nor speak. Like most of us, Helen Keller admitted that she longed to accomplish “great and noble” tasks in this lifetime. “But,” she added, “it is my chief duty and joy to accomplish humble tasks as though they were great and noble. It is my service to think how can I best fulfill the demands that each day makes on me, and to rejoice that others can do what I cannot.” 

The more I read that quote, the more amazed I am at her attitude and approach to life. She not only believed it was her “duty”, but also her “joy” to treat every little task as something great and noble. When our energy is compromised by chemotherapy or other treatments, we might barely be able to get dressed, let alone pour a cup of coffee for someone else, or hang up someone’s coat for them. But even those humble tasks can be considered great and noble if we perform them with joy and a servant’s heart. While recovering from my bone marrow transplants, I considered the day a success if I crossed one simple item off my list, such as writing a thank-you note to someone or ordering a gift online. Persevering in such small tasks gave my life purpose and meaning for that day and greatly improved my attitude as I took baby steps toward serving someone else. 

What also strikes me as amazing about Helen Keller’s quote is that she not only thought of ways to serve others, but she rejoiced that others could do what she herself could not! I should be rejoicing that others who love to jog are able to do so, instead of wallowing in self-pity that I do not have the option. I should be rejoicing that others have the energy to do so much for their families and friends, that they are able to live such full lives. I should rejoice for them the way God rejoices over my accomplishments and the things, however small, that I do for Him. Not only is rejoicing in the accomplishments of others the RIGHT thing to do, but it blesses me by infusing more joy into my own life. One of my favorite books is Tommy Newberry’s 40 Days to a Joy-Filled Life, and he states in a chapter about rejoicing in the success of others: If you are secure in God’s love, you know that he has a plan for you, and you are not threatened by others’ talents or successes. Applaud what God is doing through others, because whatever he accomplished in their lives, he can accomplish in yours also….One of the best things we can do to overcome envy or jealousy is to pray for others to be blessed in the way we desire to be blessed.

Dear Father, Help me to shed all feelings of self-pity at what I cannot do. Whenever I think of what I cannot do, remind me of what I am able to accomplish on this day, and help me to rejoice in it. Thank You that I am able to serve my family in small ways, and let me praise You while accomplishing humble tasks. Thank You for how You have blessed those around me with good health, gifts, and talents, and remind me to pray for them every day. I praise You for Your perfect wisdom and for holding me close to You during my trials. Amen.

Miracle Grafts

“God can do that. He can perform miracle grafts…” Romans 11:23

Time and again, I have been amazed at how God speaks to me and how He knows exactly what I need to hear at just the right moment. This past summer I decided to read The Message, a translation of the Bible using modern vernacular. It’s not my favorite translation, but it definitely has merit and can shine new light on old verses. I was quite amazed, for example, to open my Bible to Romans during my bone marrow transplant, particularly at the time that I was worried that the graft (the new donor cells) might not “take”. There is always a period of anxiety when the patient waits to find out what percentage of cells is donor and what percentage is the host. I will often hear patients sob with joy when a doctor tells them they are 100% donor. And so while waiting for my own test results, one day I opened the Bible to calm my nerves and my eyes fell on the following verse: “He can perform miracle grafts.” (Romans 11:23) A coincidence? No such thing! What the world calls a “coincidence” is God in action. I never let myself use the term “coincidence”, as it takes my eyes off God’s miracles. This verse was such a perfect reminder, and at such a perfect time, to place my trust in Him—not in numbers and blood work and statistics, but in the One who can do all things, and who works ALL things for the good of those who love Him and who are called according to His purposes (Romans 8:28). Of course, Paul is not talking about grafting donor cells when he writes this; he is talking about grafting people (the branches) into Christ (the tree). And that is a comforting thought as well, as Paul reminds us that there is always hope that those who don’t know Christ will find him. And that should be my most urgent prayer—not the prayer for me, for my own successful transplant and remission—but that others would experience the same love, the same reassurance, the same hope, and the same eternity. He can take a single verse and turn it into so many lessons: a reminder to trust Him, a reminder to pray for others, and a reminder that He cares about every little thing on my heart. Oh, and a reminder that He is always right--He CAN perform miracle grafts. My blood is now 100% my beautiful daughter’s, and we are DNA twins. God is good!

Dear God, I am so grateful to be one of your branches, to have been grafted in as a “miracle graft”. Thank You for Your mercy and grace. If You can graft me, with all my sins and flaws, into Your perfect plan of salvation, then I know that You can do it for those who are lost. Don’t let them get away, God, but call them to You. Perform a miracle in their lives, spiritually and physically, and show them Your glory. In Your Son’s name I pray, Amen.