“Yes, and I will
continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help given by
the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my
deliverance.” Philippians 1:18b-19
As one who wrestles with cancer, I sometimes feel like my
sickness has the upper hand and has me pinned to the mat. I have to remind
myself that by the grace of God, I am the one on top—my sickness is limited and
finite and not in control. As a character in the teen movie Penelope puts it: “It’s not the power of
the curse, it’s the power you GIVE the curse” that is the problem. But nobody
expresses this idea better than Charles Spurgeon, who writes about the
limitations of sickness in his devotional “Evening by Evening”. He reminds us
that God is control of our sickness and it can only go as far as He ordains. As
God’s purpose is always for the “instruction” and not the “destruction” of His
people, we can trust that He will carry us through the trial and that He will
never give us more than we can bear.
“The God of providence
has limited the time, manner, intensity, and effects of all our sicknesses.
Each throb is decreed, each sleepless hour predestinated, each relapse
ordained, each depression of spirit foreknown, and each sanctifying result
eternally purposed.” Remembering what God can do through my disease and how
all of this can and should be for His glory helps keep me from spiraling down
into self-pity. Instead, I can thank Him for the beautiful day that I am living
right now and look to see what He has in store for me and for His kingdom. For
He still has great plans for each and every one of us—every single day. As long
as we draw breath, He has a beautiful purpose for us.
“This limit [of
sickness] is wisely adjusted to our strength, to the end designed, and to the
grace apportioned. Affliction does not come by chance—the weight of every
stroke of the rod—is accurately measured. He who made no mistakes in balancing
the clouds, and measuring out the heavens, commits no errors in measuring out
the ingredients which compose the medicine of souls. We cannot suffer too much—nor
be relieved too late!” These words of Spurgeon’s are incredibly comforting
to me. So often I forget that God will always rescue me in time. How often does
He need to do this before I remember it always? He will always rescue me at the
exact time that I can bear no more. He will never, ever let me suffer more than
the grace that He gives me to endure it. And none of my suffering is ever in
vain if I allow Him to work it for good—for His glory, for my benefit as I draw
closer to Him, and for blessing those around me. As my youngest daughter told
me about three years ago when she was only 13, “Mom, your cancer has brought me
so much closer to God.” Her spiritual growth is a blessing that I have thanked
God for so many times. That alone stops me in my tracks whenever the “why me’s”
begin to plague me.
“The limit is tenderly
appointed. The knife of the heavenly Surgeon never cuts deeper than is
absolutely necessary. ‘He does not afflict willingly, nor grieve the children
of men.’ A mother’s heart cries, ‘Spare my child!’ but no mother is more
compassionate than our gracious God.” I am awestruck when I remember how
much God loves me. He loves me more than any parent, than any human being, ever
could. He grieves to see me grieve, and He only allows that grief into my life
when He has a beautiful, higher purpose for it. Here on earth, I can’t conceive
what that purpose can be, but I can trust that a God whose love for me is so
deep and wide and infinite is using all of this cancer to accomplish something
beautiful and lasting, and to bless me in ways that otherwise would not have
been possible for this strong-willed child.
Lord, help to remind
me that cancer never has the upper hand—only You do. You are in control of this
sickness. You will only allow it to go so far, and it will never hamper Your
perfect plan for my life. This cancer is pinned down and limited by You, and it
cannot escape from beneath You. You have rescued me time and again from fear
and pain. You seek my good at all times and will never allow disease to thwart
Your perfect plan for this day. Praise be to the Father, the Son, and to the
Holy Spirit!
