Letting God Lead the Way

“I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:1—2

Like so many cancer patients, I try to watch what I eat and drink to maximize my quality of life and to support my therapy, hoping always that food, drink, medicine, and prayer will heal me of this disease once and for all. Some days it can be overwhelming to navigate the research available regarding supplements and diets, and the impact that such foods may have—positively and negatively—on my disease. It’s easy to feel guilty for what I eat, as well as for what I don’t eat. 

Last spring I hired a nutritionist to guide me, but several months later I relapsed while on a special herbal protocol. My nutritionist wanted me to try another natural treatment, to “hit it hard” with a blend of burdock seed, poke, baptisia, mistletoe, and other natural poisons. She even called this special formula “Saving Dana”. She is not a quack in medical circles—she teaches nutritional classes to medical students at well-known hospitals and has a pharmaceutical background, and I have the utmost respect for her. But even though I knew her custom blend would never be enough to combat my aggressive disease, it was such a dear, generous, and loving gesture to prepare a special tonic for me that I didn’t want to disappoint her. I took it faithfully while my oncologist ordered a biopsy of a lymph node and we waited for results. A month later, after taking only the special tonic, my numbers were worse than they had been in almost 7 years. God then led me to begin an immunotherapy that my oncologist recommended, thereby “ruining” the alternative treatment and letting the nutritionist down.

I know that many times alternative treatments work, but just as many—if not more times—they don’t. Perhaps the special tonic would have worked in another situation or if I had taken it longer, but my numbers were rising so quickly that I couldn’t take that chance. Nobody can make such a difficult, personal decision regarding a treatment or therapy except the patient. It’s the very same with our response to God. He doesn’t call us all to follow Him in the same way. I know some amazing Christian cancer patients who have been healed by faith alone and not with traditional medicine. In my situation, God has not chosen to work that way but rather continues to lead me to amazing doctors and new therapies that keep my disease at bay, but which do not eradicate my cancer completely. I yearn for Him to take it away forever, but He hasn’t chosen to do that yet.

The most critical thing we can do is pray for God to guide us. He is a God of order, not of confusion, and He will make the path clear for us. We can only follow the path, however, if we are walking in His light, if we are spending time in His word. “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” (Psalm 119:105) When I am swimming in a sea of confusion about which way to go, it’s almost always because I haven’t spent enough time in prayer, or because I haven’t been patient enough to hear His directive. Sometimes I’m so confused that I need to ask others to help me discern His guidance, and that’s okay, too. He doesn’t always speak to us directly—sometimes He speaks through others—but when we abide in Him as his “trusting sheep”, we will always recognize His voice, and we will always find His path.

The next most critical thing we can do is not to judge one another’s decisions, but to pray earnestly for one another. Mother Teresa said: “Criticism is nothing less than dressed up pride. It eats up all the love of God.” We’re all in this together—let’s pray earnestly for each another and not judge one another’s treatment decisions. God does not treat all His children alike—our burdens are not the same—but He loves us equally and passionately and will always do what is right for each of us. What an amazing God we serve!

Dear Lord, We are drowning in options and information in this society! Help us to make sense of the treatments available to us. You have created these marvelous bodies, and You know exactly what they need to be healthy and to fight disease. Help us to hear Your voice and to follow Your lead. Shine Your light on the right supplements, the right protocol, the right doctor. We know that You have amazing plans for each of us, and every day we wake up amazed that You want to use us for another day. Thank You for this gift of love! In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Standing Still

“Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken.” Psalm 62:5-6 

So many times during my years as a cancer patient my plans are suddenly interrupted by a reminder of my disease, and life comes to an abrupt standstill. The most challenging days are by far waiting for those interminable test results. The hours in my days are difficult to fill with any kind of meaningful focus, and constant thoughts of “what-if” put me in a very vulnerable position spiritually. The “what-ifs” quickly give way to uncertainty, which gives way to fear, which could easily lead to despair. I begin to doubt all the treatment choices I have made in the past, and wonder whether I ever heard God correctly. I begin to doubt my doctor, in spite of the excellent care she has given me for more than 6 years and the undeniable fact that she was brought to me by God just when I was about to make a major mistake at a different hospital. But worst of all, I begin to doubt that God is in control. Have I been following His lead correctly? Am I really where He wants me to be? Why would He bring me to this place?

When life comes to a standstill, I have two choices: fret myself into deeper anxiety as I seek the world’s wisdom and spend more time on research than in prayer, or throw myself on God's mercy and choose to trust that He will lead me when the time is right. I can testify that the first option does nothing to help me sleep at night; it robs me of my daily struggle to have victory over cancer. While researching my disease is not a bad thing in and of itself, the Internet soon becomes my god. Researching blindly brings only greater anxiety; it is only productive when God leads me, and not vice versa. Remembering that He is sovereign, that He is still and forever in control, will always produce peace and will lead to much greater clarity. As Charles Spurgeon so vividly puts it: “Cowardice says, ‘Retreat; go back to the worldling’s way of action; you cannot play the Christian’s part, it is too difficult. Relinquish your principles.’ But, however much Satan may urge this course upon you, you cannot follow it if you are a child of God. His divine fiat has bid you to go from strength to strength, and so you shall, and neither death nor hell shall turn you from your course. What, if for a while you are called to stand still—yet this is but to renew your strength for some greater advance in due time."

Standing still may be God's plan for us; it may be a time to pause and draw closer to Him, in preparation for what is to come. Satan will swoop in during these times to plant all different seeds of doubt; he will try to convince us that we have been on the wrong path. He will do everything he can to pull us away from prayer by convincing us that it is not helping. P.T. Forsyth said that, “The worst sin is prayerlessness” and the root of all sin is self-sufficiency. We must not be tempted to take matters into our own hands! If we have sat at God’s feet and prayed, yet nothing seems to be happening, we must not give up on Him but rather "stand still" and wait for His deliverance. In many times throughout the Bible, God orders His people to “stand still” in order to SEE their deliverance!

1 Samuel 12:16: “Now then, stand still and see this great thing the Lord is about to do before your eyes!”

Exodus 14:14: “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

Psalm 46:10a: “Be still, and know that I am God.”

Every morning, a “Daily Blessing” is delivered to my email address by Susie Larson (info@susielarson.com). This morning’s was particularly fitting and beautiful: “May God give you extra grace to thrive in life even when your heart is breaking. May you enjoy spilling-over-joy even before the breakthrough comes. May you find cause to celebrate and rejoice over all that is right in your world. Refuse to let your angst have the last say. God is the Redeemer and makes all things new. Never give up hope. Keep believing that God is good because He is, and He intends to redeem your story. Blessings on your day.”

Heavenly Father, Grant me the grace to wait patiently for You, and the will power not to take matters into my own hands. Help me to stand still and wait expectantly, with peace and joy, for the deliverance that You have planned. May this time be a period of strengthening and growth. Thank You for Your perfect timing, Your faithfulness, and Your great love for Your people. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Our Most Important Legacy

“This day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” Nehemiah 8:10

Many cancer patients struggle with coming to terms with their mortality. We used to feel invincible; we never imagined that death was knocking at our door. Ignoring death was easy in the B.C. (before cancer) years but nearly impossible in the A.D. (after diagnosis) days. There are just too many reminders: doctor appointments, blood work, treatments, and especially friends and other acquaintances who die from the disease. Now we have to actually face this very real enemy called Death, this robber of our days. We have to acknowledge death and decide what to do with it.

When people ask me for advice on dealing with the fear of death, five simple but powerful words come to mind: KEEP YOUR EYES ON JESUS. Counselors will provide many helpful and proactive strategies like organizing your photos, reviewing your will, journaling, and creating a “bucket list” of all the things you’d like to do before you die. Keeping busy and productive certainly helps me not to think about death, but it does nothing to take away the fear of death. When fear strikes during the quiet times, the “bad-news-from-the-doctor” times, or the times I check the local obituaries and see whom cancer has stolen today, the only remedy is to keep my eyes on Jesus.

Fear that drives us to God is not a faithless fear, but a faith-filled fear. Christians should not be ashamed to feel afraid; even Jesus, the most perfect example of humanity, was afraid before going to the cross. And Jesus, this most perfect example, showed us what to do with our fear when he spent hours in prayer before his Father in the garden of Gethsemane. When I can’t find the words that I need to pray, I read a Psalm, such as Psalm 61, which Charles Spurgeon calls “a pearl…little, but precious. To many a mourner it has furnished utterance when the mind could not have devised a speech for itself.” Spurgeon also writes: “It is hard to pray when the very heart is drowning, yet gracious men plead best at such times. Tribulation brings us to God, and brings God to us. Faith’s greatest triumphs are achieved in her heaviest trials.”

When we pray, we can ask Jesus to redeem all the time we have left on earth. We must remain active in service for Him, never passive. Many of us no longer have the strength for the tasks we used to do, but we can still pray fervently. Job was the most stricken human being in the Bible; his story is incredibly humbling, because we will never suffer the way he did. Yet he did not turn away from God—Job cried out to God in deep despair, and God met Job’s deepest need. Yet when did God restore Job? “After Job had prayed for his friends, the Lord made him prosperous again and gave him twice as much as he had before.” (Job 42:10) That verse really struck me in the early days of my diagnosis, when the disease was rampant and I felt as though death was closing in. I could do nothing while lying in that hospital bed BUT pray. But the Lord soon showed me that my prayers were not all to be for myself. I realized that He wanted me to pray for others: for my husband, my children, my friends, my extended family, those cancer patients receiving chemotherapy next to me, and even despairing strangers whose names I knew from cancer forums and whom I would never meet. The Lord gave me a mission and a legacy.

In his book Praying Circles around the Lives of Your Children, Mark Batterson agrees that our prayers are our greatest legacy. Our prayers will continue to be answered long after we have left this earth, just as we are experiencing the blessings from prayers that grandparents and ancestors prayed for us. Batterson writes: “I believe that every blessing, every breakthrough, every miracle in your life traces back to the prayers that were prayed by you or for you. One of the greatest moments in eternity will be the day God peels back the space-time curtain and unveils His sovereignty by connecting the divine dots between our prayers and His answers. That infinite web of prayer crisscrosses every nation, every generation. And when God finally reveals His strange and mysterious ways, it will drop us to our knees in worship. We will thank Him for the prayers he did answer. We’ll also thank Him for the prayers He didn’t answer because we’ll finally understand why. And we’ll thank Him for the answered prayers we weren’t even aware of.”

What can we do when fear strikes our hearts? Pray. Throw ourselves at His feet and pray. Pray the Psalms. Pray for others. As we pray, we will realize that we no longer pray because of our fear. Fear drives us to prayer, but as we pray our hearts begin to change. Fear is replaced by joy and love for the One who created us and is present with us. We pray out of devotion “to God who adds days to our days”, with gratitude and thanksgiving for each day that we are here to do His work and to participate in the greatest legacy He has planned for us—to pray for others.

Thank You Lord, for the gift of prayer. Thank You that You are always present to hear us, to comfort us, and to bless us with Your mercy and grace. Help us to focus our prayers, not just on our own needs, but on the needs of others. Help us to pray according to Your Spirit, and when we cannot find the words, comfort us with Your promise to intercede for us. We praise You, the One from whom ALL blessings flow!

Psalm 61

Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer.

From the ends of the earth I call to you,

I call as my heart grows faint;

Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe.

I long to dwell in your tent forever

And take refuge in the shelter of your wings.

For you have heard my vows, O God;

You have given me the heritage of those who fear your name.

*Increase the days of the king’s life,

His years for many generations.

May he be enthroned in God’s presence forever;

Appoint your love and faithfulness to protect him.

Then will I ever sing praise to your name

And fulfill my vows day after day.

*David is praying this psalm for himself; you may wish to speak in the 1^st person to make it a personal plea for yourself: “Increase the days of MY life, MY years for many generations. May I be enthroned in God’s presence forever; Appoint your love and faithfulness to protect ME.”

Giving Back

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.” Romans 12:12—13

As I reflect on how many people have prayed for me, driven me to appointments, made nutritious meals, and tutored my children over the past couple of years, I am overwhelmed by the amount of generosity. When I was really sick, I would dream of the day I could “give back” and prayed desperately for that opportunity. Recently, one of my son’s teachers asked me to pray for her daughter, who was moving far away. Shortly after, one of my daughter’s teachers asked me to pray for a close friend suffering from thyroid cancer. That same day, the wife of a newly-diagnosed multiple myeloma patient called, reaching out for a message of hope.  Then at a doctor’s appointment, my oncologist handed me a phone number and asked me to encourage another patient. I’m always a bit nervous after these experiences, because I feel so inadequate. Even after all I’ve been through, I don’t have much advice to give. The truth is, God has done it all, and I have done nothing. But on the heels of my initial feeling of inadequacy is an overwhelming gratitude that I am alive at this moment to help someone else, and I realize that these opportunities are all answers to prayer. I thank God that He has found me worthy for these tasks, and realize that my life has purpose every single day. So that I don’t fall short on my promises to pray for people, I have begun to use a note-card method of prayer that I discovered in Paul Miller’s A Praying Life. One of the note cards is only for cancer patients, and I pray for them all together while letting my eyes rest on each name. Sometimes a particular name stands out, and I spend extra time praying for that person. Without this method, I would never be able to commit to praying for so many, as I would forget half of the needs. I remind myself that this, too, is one of the blessings that has come from my disease, as it has enabled my prayer life to reach a new level that will hopefully make a difference in the lives of others as well. Thank You, Lord!

I thank and praise You, Lord, for new opportunities to reach out and pray for others. May Your Holy Spirit bring comfort, peace, and joy to those who suffer and who need You so desperately. Fill their lives with Your presence and renew their spirits as You also renew their bodies, healing them physically and emotionally. Show them, O Lord, how incredibly precious and valuable they are to You, and how You still have amazing plans for their lives.

Unanswered Prayers

“The ransomed of the Lord will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.” Isaiah 51:11

What about prayers that God might not answer the way we want? Or even unanswered prayers? Don’t some prayers put our faith at risk? If anyone could have prayed someone through a disease by sheer will power alone, it was definitely my dad. He prayed so earnestly for my mom to be healed from ALS that he finally had to record all his daily prayers when he became hoarse and exhausted. One day near the end of her disease, my mom looked up at him and said gently, “He’s answered, ‘No.’” Did He? Was His answer really “no”? I thought so at the time, but looking back, I believe it was more like, “I can do better than that, my child. Come to the eternal feast, where you will dance and delight in My presence forever.” Prayers for healing were answered, just not in the way we wanted. But He didn’t leave the rest of us empty-handed. He gave us His constant presence, His strength, and His peace. He showed us His glory through supernatural miracles and gave us a testimony that we can share with generations to come. One of His best gifts was letting us hear my mom sing at the very end of her earthly life. She entered Zion “with singing”, filled with “gladness and joy”. Even the tune the Lord gave her was a hymn for Isaiah 51, reminding the rest of us that for those who are in Christ, death is not the final answer but a new beginning. When we pray in Jesus’ name, we can always have hope. We can trust one hundred percent that God’s answer will be for our good and for His glory.

Father God, I know that You are able to heal all diseases. There is nothing You can’t do, and You delight in giving good gifts to Your children. Heal me, Lord, from this affliction. Restore me to physical health so that I can tell of Your goodness and mercy for generations to come. But if You have something better in store for me, Lord, I submit to Your perfect will. I surrender my will to Yours, because I trust that You will take care of me and those I love. Your plan is so much greater than mine. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Praying for Healing

“He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?” Romans 8:32

Many Christians are unsure about what they should or should not pray for. How bold should we be? Should we only pray for God’s will to be done, or for what we truly desire? Because of my own life experiences, as well as awesome books I’ve read such as The Holy Bible and Paul Miller’s A Praying Life, I will not give up asking for what I want most—complete physical healing from this cancer so that I can grow old with my husband, finish raising my children, and delight in precious days with future grandchildren. It wasn’t much of a comfort to me when others prayed only for God to carry me through the disease, or for His will to be done. I already knew that God’s grace would be enough to get me through it, and I believed that His will would be done in any case—He is sovereign, after all. What I really wanted to hear were prayers that God would heal me completely, that He would remove every cancerous cell from my body and restore me to perfect health. I believe that God wants us to ask for what we desire most, and that it delights Him when we come to Him like little children, asking boldly for what is most on our hearts.(Matthew 7:7)  I also believe that He delights in giving us the gifts that we want most. (Matthew 7:9-11) Furthermore, both the Old and New Testament are filled with stories of physical healing, and He is the same God today. But perhaps most important is the example that Jesus set when he prayed in the garden of Gethsemane the evening before his crucifixion. He asked the Father to “take this cup from me” (Mark 14:36) boldly asking God to spare him while fully surrendering to God’s perfect will in the next sentence, “Yet not what I will, but what you will.” (Mark 14:36) We, too, can surrender our will to His because we can trust Him in all things. If He removes the cancer from us, we can praise Him for His wonderful gift, but if He does not, we can trust that He has a greater plan, a higher purpose in mind, and we can still praise Him for His perfect care for us. Either way, let us praise Him as we approach the throne of grace with confidence.

Gracious and Sovereign Lord, I come before You with a heart full of praise for the mercy and goodness that You have shown me. You have blessed my life with so many good things, and I will forever praise You. Forgive all my sins, and cleanse me through and through. Take now this disease from my body, and restore me to perfect health. Prepare my body and my life to be a temple for Your Holy Spirit, a living testimony to the One Who Heals All Our Diseases. In the name of Your precious Son, Jesus Christ, Amen.