Remembering Who God Is

“Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.” Isaiah 12:2

After almost 8 years of constant cancer treatments, you’d think I would have conquered fear by now. But fear still creeps up on me when I let my guard down or let busy days squeeze out prayer time. Or sometimes it attacks in the middle of the night, when I begin to wonder about aches and pains that would be normal for most people, but not for a myeloma patient. Recently when I felt a fear attack coming on while driving to an oncology appointment, I heard the Spirit say gently to me, “Dana, you need to remember Who I Am.” I so often forget to look to Him first, to place Him between my life and my circumstances, and to see my circumstances through His love and His plan for me. I like to imagine the cross of Christ between me and every situation, reminding me to look at circumstances and conversations from His point of view, and trusting that He will filter every medical update, discussion, advice—even conversations with people who are difficult to love. Imagining the cross of Christ before me helps me remember to not only be a faithful witness, but serves as a comforting protection that I will hear and receive only what He desires for me.

If I really want to combat fear, I need to focus on the truths and promises in His Word. I need to remember that God’s plan to send his Son to earth was rooted in His great love for me and His desire that I would spend eternity with Him. He wants me to live abundantly and joyfully on this earth, resting in the assurance that He has much greater plans for me. Isaiah reminds us that, “Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.” (Is. 12:2) Death is not an enemy for the Christian. Conquering our fear of death opens up our lives to the joy that God wants us to have. “With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation. (Is. 12:3) I can accept what happens in my life without bitterness or defeat when I remember that God’s plans for me will always prevail, and that I will NOT leave this earth until his perfect plan for my life is complete! To combat fear, I remember Who He Is, and that no greater love exists. Our story on earth will not end until He decrees it. Until then, we can rest in His promise to be with us every step of the way.

“Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and your right hand delivers me. The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.” (Psalm 138:7-8)

Heavenly Father, We need You. We need You every moment of this challenging journey. As you told your people in Isaiah’s time, “If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all.” (Is. 7:9) How true this is for us! You are the only one mighty to save us. Lead us along the path that is right for each of us, increase our faith in your promises, and help us to trust You with every part of our lives. Help our unbelief, God. Help us to remember that Jesus already defeated death on the cross, and help us to walk in victory. Amen!

Standing Still

“Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken.” Psalm 62:5-6 

So many times during my years as a cancer patient my plans are suddenly interrupted by a reminder of my disease, and life comes to an abrupt standstill. The most challenging days are by far waiting for those interminable test results. The hours in my days are difficult to fill with any kind of meaningful focus, and constant thoughts of “what-if” put me in a very vulnerable position spiritually. The “what-ifs” quickly give way to uncertainty, which gives way to fear, which could easily lead to despair. I begin to doubt all the treatment choices I have made in the past, and wonder whether I ever heard God correctly. I begin to doubt my doctor, in spite of the excellent care she has given me for more than 6 years and the undeniable fact that she was brought to me by God just when I was about to make a major mistake at a different hospital. But worst of all, I begin to doubt that God is in control. Have I been following His lead correctly? Am I really where He wants me to be? Why would He bring me to this place?

When life comes to a standstill, I have two choices: fret myself into deeper anxiety as I seek the world’s wisdom and spend more time on research than in prayer, or throw myself on God's mercy and choose to trust that He will lead me when the time is right. I can testify that the first option does nothing to help me sleep at night; it robs me of my daily struggle to have victory over cancer. While researching my disease is not a bad thing in and of itself, the Internet soon becomes my god. Researching blindly brings only greater anxiety; it is only productive when God leads me, and not vice versa. Remembering that He is sovereign, that He is still and forever in control, will always produce peace and will lead to much greater clarity. As Charles Spurgeon so vividly puts it: “Cowardice says, ‘Retreat; go back to the worldling’s way of action; you cannot play the Christian’s part, it is too difficult. Relinquish your principles.’ But, however much Satan may urge this course upon you, you cannot follow it if you are a child of God. His divine fiat has bid you to go from strength to strength, and so you shall, and neither death nor hell shall turn you from your course. What, if for a while you are called to stand still—yet this is but to renew your strength for some greater advance in due time."

Standing still may be God's plan for us; it may be a time to pause and draw closer to Him, in preparation for what is to come. Satan will swoop in during these times to plant all different seeds of doubt; he will try to convince us that we have been on the wrong path. He will do everything he can to pull us away from prayer by convincing us that it is not helping. P.T. Forsyth said that, “The worst sin is prayerlessness” and the root of all sin is self-sufficiency. We must not be tempted to take matters into our own hands! If we have sat at God’s feet and prayed, yet nothing seems to be happening, we must not give up on Him but rather "stand still" and wait for His deliverance. In many times throughout the Bible, God orders His people to “stand still” in order to SEE their deliverance!

1 Samuel 12:16: “Now then, stand still and see this great thing the Lord is about to do before your eyes!”

Exodus 14:14: “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

Psalm 46:10a: “Be still, and know that I am God.”

Every morning, a “Daily Blessing” is delivered to my email address by Susie Larson (info@susielarson.com). This morning’s was particularly fitting and beautiful: “May God give you extra grace to thrive in life even when your heart is breaking. May you enjoy spilling-over-joy even before the breakthrough comes. May you find cause to celebrate and rejoice over all that is right in your world. Refuse to let your angst have the last say. God is the Redeemer and makes all things new. Never give up hope. Keep believing that God is good because He is, and He intends to redeem your story. Blessings on your day.”

Heavenly Father, Grant me the grace to wait patiently for You, and the will power not to take matters into my own hands. Help me to stand still and wait expectantly, with peace and joy, for the deliverance that You have planned. May this time be a period of strengthening and growth. Thank You for Your perfect timing, Your faithfulness, and Your great love for Your people. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Our Most Important Legacy

“This day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” Nehemiah 8:10

Many cancer patients struggle with coming to terms with their mortality. We used to feel invincible; we never imagined that death was knocking at our door. Ignoring death was easy in the B.C. (before cancer) years but nearly impossible in the A.D. (after diagnosis) days. There are just too many reminders: doctor appointments, blood work, treatments, and especially friends and other acquaintances who die from the disease. Now we have to actually face this very real enemy called Death, this robber of our days. We have to acknowledge death and decide what to do with it.

When people ask me for advice on dealing with the fear of death, five simple but powerful words come to mind: KEEP YOUR EYES ON JESUS. Counselors will provide many helpful and proactive strategies like organizing your photos, reviewing your will, journaling, and creating a “bucket list” of all the things you’d like to do before you die. Keeping busy and productive certainly helps me not to think about death, but it does nothing to take away the fear of death. When fear strikes during the quiet times, the “bad-news-from-the-doctor” times, or the times I check the local obituaries and see whom cancer has stolen today, the only remedy is to keep my eyes on Jesus.

Fear that drives us to God is not a faithless fear, but a faith-filled fear. Christians should not be ashamed to feel afraid; even Jesus, the most perfect example of humanity, was afraid before going to the cross. And Jesus, this most perfect example, showed us what to do with our fear when he spent hours in prayer before his Father in the garden of Gethsemane. When I can’t find the words that I need to pray, I read a Psalm, such as Psalm 61, which Charles Spurgeon calls “a pearl…little, but precious. To many a mourner it has furnished utterance when the mind could not have devised a speech for itself.” Spurgeon also writes: “It is hard to pray when the very heart is drowning, yet gracious men plead best at such times. Tribulation brings us to God, and brings God to us. Faith’s greatest triumphs are achieved in her heaviest trials.”

When we pray, we can ask Jesus to redeem all the time we have left on earth. We must remain active in service for Him, never passive. Many of us no longer have the strength for the tasks we used to do, but we can still pray fervently. Job was the most stricken human being in the Bible; his story is incredibly humbling, because we will never suffer the way he did. Yet he did not turn away from God—Job cried out to God in deep despair, and God met Job’s deepest need. Yet when did God restore Job? “After Job had prayed for his friends, the Lord made him prosperous again and gave him twice as much as he had before.” (Job 42:10) That verse really struck me in the early days of my diagnosis, when the disease was rampant and I felt as though death was closing in. I could do nothing while lying in that hospital bed BUT pray. But the Lord soon showed me that my prayers were not all to be for myself. I realized that He wanted me to pray for others: for my husband, my children, my friends, my extended family, those cancer patients receiving chemotherapy next to me, and even despairing strangers whose names I knew from cancer forums and whom I would never meet. The Lord gave me a mission and a legacy.

In his book Praying Circles around the Lives of Your Children, Mark Batterson agrees that our prayers are our greatest legacy. Our prayers will continue to be answered long after we have left this earth, just as we are experiencing the blessings from prayers that grandparents and ancestors prayed for us. Batterson writes: “I believe that every blessing, every breakthrough, every miracle in your life traces back to the prayers that were prayed by you or for you. One of the greatest moments in eternity will be the day God peels back the space-time curtain and unveils His sovereignty by connecting the divine dots between our prayers and His answers. That infinite web of prayer crisscrosses every nation, every generation. And when God finally reveals His strange and mysterious ways, it will drop us to our knees in worship. We will thank Him for the prayers he did answer. We’ll also thank Him for the prayers He didn’t answer because we’ll finally understand why. And we’ll thank Him for the answered prayers we weren’t even aware of.”

What can we do when fear strikes our hearts? Pray. Throw ourselves at His feet and pray. Pray the Psalms. Pray for others. As we pray, we will realize that we no longer pray because of our fear. Fear drives us to prayer, but as we pray our hearts begin to change. Fear is replaced by joy and love for the One who created us and is present with us. We pray out of devotion “to God who adds days to our days”, with gratitude and thanksgiving for each day that we are here to do His work and to participate in the greatest legacy He has planned for us—to pray for others.

Thank You Lord, for the gift of prayer. Thank You that You are always present to hear us, to comfort us, and to bless us with Your mercy and grace. Help us to focus our prayers, not just on our own needs, but on the needs of others. Help us to pray according to Your Spirit, and when we cannot find the words, comfort us with Your promise to intercede for us. We praise You, the One from whom ALL blessings flow!

Psalm 61

Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer.

From the ends of the earth I call to you,

I call as my heart grows faint;

Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe.

I long to dwell in your tent forever

And take refuge in the shelter of your wings.

For you have heard my vows, O God;

You have given me the heritage of those who fear your name.

*Increase the days of the king’s life,

His years for many generations.

May he be enthroned in God’s presence forever;

Appoint your love and faithfulness to protect him.

Then will I ever sing praise to your name

And fulfill my vows day after day.

*David is praying this psalm for himself; you may wish to speak in the 1^st person to make it a personal plea for yourself: “Increase the days of MY life, MY years for many generations. May I be enthroned in God’s presence forever; Appoint your love and faithfulness to protect ME.”

From Strength to Strength

 “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

After I was diagnosed with cancer, my husband and my father worked hard to put an attractive, adhesive “engraving” above our fireplace mantel that read: “Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings as eagles. Isaiah 40:31.” I was confined to a chair next to that mantel where I read those words over and over again, but since I couldn’t even get up from the chair by myself, I couldn’t imagine ever regaining my former strength. Yet I continued to hope and to trust and to pray, and months later I found myself sauntering past those words at quite a brisk pace, smiling to myself at how fortunate I was that the medicine was doing its work. Then I glanced outside where, right in our backyard on a low branch above the stream, were two bald eagles, visiting for that one and only time. Sometimes, God has to send me a visual reminder of all that He does for me, in case I begin to think that I have done it on my own. Yes, the medicine HAD done its work, but I had God to thank for that, too. He promised that I would “soar on wings as eagles” and I think of that when I am enjoying long walks or travelling by airplane to destinations that I didn’t think I would ever see again.

But physical strength is not the most important gift that He has given me. Rather, it is the strength of my mind that has carried me through the ups and downs of the past few years. Many of my most difficult battles have been fought in my mind instead of in my body. Sometimes it’s even easier emotionally to undergo treatment and be actively engaged in fighting my cancer than to enjoy remission. Remission can feel like the “calm before the storm”, particularly with a cancer like multiple myeloma when the relapse rate is high. Training my mind to release all my fears and worries about the future and to focus on the joys of today takes daily work. Sometimes I can only take baby steps, but progress can still be made if I focus on going “from strength to strength.”  (Psalm 84:7) I don’t need to focus on the entirety of the rest of my life (however long that may be), but just on the next moment. He has given me the strength for this day, and He will give me the strength for tomorrow. I might not feel like I have enough strength for tomorrow right now, but He promises that it WILL be there.

A friend sent me a bookmark from one of her favorite devotions (www.dailyword.com) and I tried to read it every day during the first year of my recovery, as an affirmation and a reminder of God’s faithfulness.

The strength of God is present and active within my body and mind. God’s vision for me is wholeness and vitality. I align my thoughts, feelings and beliefs with these truths and remove any barriers I may have built in fear. I open to the flow of divine energy and life that strengthens, sustains and heals me in body and mind.

                Just as divine strength infuses my body, it also empowers me to use my mind constructively. In faith, I focus my thoughts on what I want to experience. If I find myself worrying, I gently set those worries aside and affirm I am strong in body and mind. I draw from the wellspring of divine strength within.

                “The Lord shall guide you continually…and you shall be like a watered garden,…like a spring of water, whose waters never fail.” Isaiah 58:11

Lord, give me the strength that I need for this day. Deliver me from all physical, mental, and spiritual weakness, that “I may rejoice and be glad all my days.” (Psalm 90:15) I hold fast to the promise that you have made in Isaiah 41:10: “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Letting Faith Arise

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” Lamentations 3:22-24

We want so much to walk by sight, and not by faith! But would knowing the next event in our lives bring any greater peace? I don’t think I would have known peace for years if I had been told in advance that at age 43 I would be stricken with a serious blood cancer. What a blessing it was that God did not allow me to have that information! He protects me by promising to always be with me and to always carry me through the trials; I don’t need to know the future when I can stand on His promises. I don’t need to know the timing of my trials when I can rest in the truth and knowledge that He will carry me through the hard times when they come. I know all of this and believe all of this in my head, but some days, this truth does not rest so easily in my heart. Sometimes, my heart resists fully embracing this truth and the peace that it would bring. Some moments, I can become overwhelmed with anxiety about my situation that I don’t even know how to pray. And I know that I am not the only one. 

About a year and a half ago, I attended a concert by Christian singer Chris Tomlin, and I was struck by a testimony that Tomlin’s pastor Lou Giglio gave on stage. Giglio, who makes wonderful videos on the wonders of creation and who appears to have his life completely together as a faithful Christian, shared that he went through a long period of intense anxiety. His anxiety was so great he could not make it through the night without feeling like he was having a heart attack. His anxiety began to paralyze him physically and emotionally and he could not move through the fear until one day God reminded him of Psalm 46. “Be still, and know that I am God…God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way…The Lord of hosts is with us.” (excerpts from Psalm 46) Songwriter Chris Tomlin wrote a song for his pastor to be used as an encouragement for himself and others, and I have found it to be a great source of peace for myself as well. Reading the Psalms or listening to music based on Scripture can be a great way to get through the times of anxiety, those times when we are so anxious that we don’t even know how to begin to pray. As Tomlin reminds us, sometimes we need to “let faith arise” in our souls to remind ourselves that there IS a healer, that His love IS deeper than the sea, that His mercy IS unfailing, and His arms ARE a fortress for the weak.

Dear God, Sometimes it is so hard to walk by faith. Sometimes my faith seems so small and insufficient that I can hardly remember Your promises. When fear and anxiety threaten to overshadow Your peace and Your truth, Lord, rescue me. Strengthen my faith, open my eyes to Who You are, surround me with Your peace, and shower me with Your mercy and grace. I pray this not just for me, Lord, but for all who struggle with anxiety and fear. In Christ’s name, Amen.

I Lift My Hands by Chris Tomlin

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbNK50T35wY

Be still, there is a healer
His love is deeper than the sea
His mercy, it is unfailing
His arms are a fortress for the weak

Let faith arise
Let faith arise

I lift my hands to believe again
You are my refuge, You are my strength
As I pour out my heart, these things I remember
You are faithful, God, forever

Be still, there is a river
That flows from Calvary's tree
A fountain for the thirsty
Pure grace that washes over me

So let faith arise
Let faith arise
Open my eyes
Open my eyes

I lift my hands to believe again
You are my refuge, You are my strength
As I pour out my heart, these things I remember
You are faithful, God
You are faithful, God, forever

...Not THIS Day!

“…Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you.” Joshua 1:5

This week I’ve felt a burden for cancer patients who are consistently plagued by fear, whether as acute anxiety or a slow, peace-draining worry. I’ll confess that I’ve found fear to be more difficult to deal with than any other side effect of cancer. Friends who’ve been in remission for more than 12 years confide that they are still fearful about their cancer’s return. For the majority of us, the fight against fear must be waged on a daily basis. Fear is like a cancer of the mind, eating insidiously away at our inner peace until we are reduced to weak, empty little vessels paralyzed by a fear of troubles that we don’t even have yet. Just like those malignant cells, fear will always try to sneak back into our lives. Yet we are allowing it to “win”, we are handing our cancer the victory, if we simply accept fear as a normal part of this new life. God’s plan for every day of our lives is that we walk victoriously in His word, in His perfect peace. Throughout the Bible, He gives countless commands not to be frightened, dismayed, terrified, anxious or fearful. Yes, cancer is a frightful enemy, but God is infinitely stronger. Yes, cancer leads to death for many, but Christ has already defeated death on the cross. There is no death for the one who entrusts his soul to The One. Our ultimate salvation aside, the fact is, even without God’s grace and intervention, most folks are going to have an opportunity to defeat their cancer for many, MANY days. In the case of multiple myeloma, novel drugs are practically guaranteeing somewhere between 500 and 2000 victorious days, depending on the statistics that you like to follow. Why should we hand the victory to our cancer for a single one of those days? We all know that in our fallen world, there will come a day when we leave this earth and rise to meet our Maker. We were not created to remain in this world--this world is not our home. But as Aragorn told his men in The Lord of the Rings, "I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of men fails...but it is not this day." As I like to tell myself, a day may come when cancer gets the best of me, but it is NOT THIS DAY. This day is for celebrating the victory of Life over Death, of Joy over Fear, of the Present over the Future, of Heaven over Earth.

The words to the hymn below spoke to my soul so completely this week during one of my daily battles to send fear away. It was apparently sung at the funerals of Teddy Roosevelt, Woodrow Wilson, and Robert E. Lee, as well as at the deathbed of Andrew Jackson, and has been sung by American soldiers for more than 100 years. By making these words my own, I can “sing away” my fear and defeat cancer yet again, one day at a time. (Emphases are mine.)

How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent Word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said,
You, who unto Jesus for refuge have fled?

In every condition, in sickness, in health;
In poverty’s vale, or abounding in wealth;
At home and abroad, on the land, on the sea,
As thy days may demand, shall thy strength ever be.

Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen and help thee, and cause thee to stand
Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.

When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of woe shall not thee overflow;
For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

When through fiery trials thy pathways shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine.

Even down to old age all My people shall prove
My sovereign, eternal, unchangeable love;
And when hoary hairs shall their temples adorn,
Like lambs they shall still in My bosom be borne.

The soul that on Jesus has leaned for repose,
I will not, I will not desert to its foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.

Thank You, Lord, for this daily victory over my fear. With You by my side, fear has no choice but to flee. Keep us close, Lord. Help us to feel Your presence, Your provision, Your perfect peace. We know that You will never, ever forsake us. You promise always to rescue us. We stand upon Your promises, trusting fully in Your mercy and grace. Amen.

Fullness of Life in the Land of the Living

“I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!” Psalm 27:13

In his book Always Looking Up: The Adventures of an Incurable Optimist, actor Michael J. Fox shares what life is like living with Parkinson’s disease. In spite of the noticeable, steady decline that he experiences in his quality of life, he does his best not to focus on what lies ahead. Michael advises those who suffer from chronic, debilitating illness not to even try to imagine the future. First of all, he says, 99% of the time events will not play out the way you imagine. But in the small chance that they do and your worst fears are realized, why make yourself live through it twice? Francois Fenelon adds this bit of reassurance: “Often what you imagine to be so terrible and unbearable is not so bad when it actually happens.” Only someone who has experienced numerous trials could make such a statement. Neither my autologous stem cell transplant nor my allogeneic (donor) bone marrow transplant was as horrible as I feared it would be. Yet I was completely unprepared for an intensive 96-hour regimen of continuous chemotherapy (and not just one session, but two!). Thank the Lord that I hadn’t known to worry about the intensive chemo in advance, and my transplants taught me to “roll with the punches”, as I soon learned that there was no surefire way to predict either the physical effects or the outcomes. I held onto the hope I found in Psalm 27:13, which declares, “I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!” I recited that verse almost every day, and by training my thoughts to discover and appreciate God’s gifts in my life, I forgot to waste time worrying about tomorrow. I’m not immune to anxiety—far from it! But I take it the cross, where I lay down “worry” and pick up “hope”. And because He is faithful, I’m able to experience His goodness in the “land of the living” on a daily basis. What an amazing God we serve!

Lord Jesus, help me see you rather than my problems. Help me to see how big you are, how strong you are, and how utterly victorious you are. When fear tries to sneak into my life and rob me of the present joy, help me to cast it away quickly and completely. You know the future, and I can trust you with all of it, as you HAVE overcome the world. Thank you for the cross, Amen.

Running Out Ahead of God

"I give thanks to my God always for you because of the grace of God that was given you in Christ Jesus, that in every way you were enriched in him in all speech and all knowledge--even as the testimony about Christ was confirmed among you--so that you are not lacking in any spiritual gift, as you wait for the revealing of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord." 1 Corinthians 1: 4-9

One of my favorite stories is The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom. The experiences she had in the Nazi concentration camp were amazing enough, but I have always been impressed at the wisdom of her father, Casper. When she was a little girl, he told her that some knowledge was too heavy for a child, and so he would bear it for her.  I’ve read the book several times, but reading it for the first time since my cancer diagnosis gave me a whole new take on it. Today, that reminds me of how not even my doctor gave me the full details at times, let alone my loved ones. When I had my allogeneic bone marrow transplant, I was thankfully unaware of all the difficulties that could arise. And it was not until after the first two years of countless, constant treatment that I began to really learn about multiple myeloma, one of those “incurable” diseases that drains the quality of life from its victims before it takes their lives completely. I was protected by loved ones and also by my inherent survival instincts, choosing not to ask the hard questions. But what do we do when it is time to bear the heavy knowledge? How do we live abundantly and joyfully when all the facts point to a grim future? Once again, Casper ten Boom’s wisdom comes to the rescue. When Corrie was afraid of death—particularly of losing her loved ones—her father gently warned her not to run out ahead of God. “When the time comes that some of us will have to die, you will look into your heart and find the strength you need in time.” Haven’t I already learned this lesson? God has given me the strength and the grace I need every day so far. When I look at what I’ve endured medically, more remarkable is how He has carried me, even blessed me, through it. For the one who trusts in Him, there is no place for fear or worry. He is faithful, and He will never leave us or forsake us.

Father, thank You for the lives of faithful people such as the ten Booms. Their suffering, while so different from mine, yet carries the same happy assurances from You. For Your grace IS enough, and You will give me the strength I need when the time comes for me to bear more. Let it be a long, long time from now, Lord! Not only for me, but also for those praying this prayer with me. Let our lives be long and full and used for Your glory. But when it is our time, Lord, let us rest in Your arms, filled with Your peace. We know from the countless examples of those who have gone before us, as well as from our own lives and the promises in Your word, that You are always faithful. We thank You and praise You and glorify Your Holy name, Amen.

Conquering Fear

“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” II Timothy 1:7

My husband posted this Bible verse above our bedroom door shortly after I was diagnosed. Fear can be the greatest side-effect of having cancer. Most of our fears can be boiled down to one: fear of the future. In our B.C. (Before Cancer) days, we had a happy illusion of a long life and so did not dwell on “what-ifs”. That all changes when a brilliant expert (aka: oncologist) looks you in the eye and tells you that you have an incurable disease. As Christians, we know that we need to trust God for our lives, but we still are not immune to panic attacks.  When I find myself subjected to a wave of fear, the best way to calm my spirit is to read the Psalms. I am reminded that all humans throughout history have been afraid, and that I am not alone. I am also reminded of how faithful God is, and how He always delivers and saves those who trust in Him. The Psalms sometimes bring immediate relief, but not always. Sometimes I have to use other approaches, like journaling about them, or forcing myself to think about the blessings of RIGHT NOW, as I repeat the words from God, “I have not given you a spirit of fear.” In order to live abundantly, we have to rise from our moment of despair and walk in faith, trusting in the One who is able to save. After all, we still have a beautiful day ahead of us to enjoy. And that is all that ANY of us has, cancer patient or not. Nobody is guaranteed thousands of tomorrows (except in eternity!). We only have THIS day. Let us take hold of what God has given us—power, love, and self-control—and cast away the spirit of fear.

Father God, forgive my lack of trust. Forgive me for allowing any spirit that is not from You to drive my emotions and my thoughts. I cast my fears away, Lord, and I ask that You would remove them from me as far as the east is from the west. My fears do nothing to bring You glory. Help me to replace them with thoughts and assurances of Your power, of Your great love for me, and of Your good plan for my life. In the name of Your son, Jesus Christ, I pray. Amen.