Resting in God's Power and Strength

“Awesome is God from his sanctuary; the God of Israel—he is the one who gives power and strength to his people. Blessed be God!” Psalm 68:35

A Christian radio speaker once said that at the root of nearly all our decisions and actions is the fear of death. While that may not be true on every occasion, I have applied it to myself many times. Sometimes I won’t witness to my non-Christian friends because of the fear of the death of our friendship. I sometimes drive past those in need of rides or money for fear of being attacked. Our subconscious motivation for working out and eating properly is often to maximize our time on earth. Even positive actions like helping others often find their motivation in a person’s need to do something good before he or she dies, to make a difference that will be remembered. Our society’s preoccupation with death is certainly a driving force.

As cancer patients, we can’t easily ignore this conscious or subconscious preoccupation with death the way we used to. We have to decide every day how to arm ourselves to fight off this attacker, or at least consider the illusion that it is drawing near. Will we use chemotherapy and medicines, or other alternative options such as diet and supplements? Will we meditate and exercise every day? How much time will we devote to thinking about our disease? While I believe it’s important to learn all we can about our illness and to use everything in our armory to heal, developing and maintaining a spirit of peace and contentment is even more critical. We should do all we can but trust God to fill in where we are weak. We can’t do it all, but He can. He will more than make up for our lack.

“He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.” Isaiah 40:29

Dear God, Only You can provide the peace and comfort and strength to withstand our trials. Fill in where we are lacking, Lord, and surround us with your angel army when we are most vulnerable and open to attack. Help us to trust that You will provide for all our needs and will show us the way out. Amen.

The Tyranny of the Urgent

“I have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do.” John 17:4

Most cancer patients battle fatigue on a regular, if not daily, basis. When I have a break in my treatment every three weeks or so, I’m amazed at how energetic I feel. It reminds me of the “nesting” activity that would strike at the end of each of my pregnancies. I am bursting with new ideas for improving the house, for new recipes, or for new curriculum for a high school program I’m involved with. I pull out books that I’ve been yearning to read, and I begin a major organizational project—or more accurately, several projects at once—such as cleaning out the pantry or organizing my beloved books. And then all my efforts come crashing to a halt a few days later when the fatigue sets in again, that never-ending cycle of too much and too little energy. Although it’s easy to blame my cancer for my lack of progress, the truth is, I have just as much time every day as everyone else. It’s my pattern of living that is the real problem.

Charles E. Hummel’s booklet “The Tyranny of the Urgent” is worth rereading every few months. By using the life of Jesus as a model, Hummel shows how we can have peace in our souls and joy in our tasks without the constant burden of guilt over what we have left undone. For one thing, Jesus was always about his Father’s task (“I always do what pleases him.” John 8:29). That is why, Hummel writes, Jesus was able to completely fulfill his ministry on earth in only three years. When I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma more than five years ago, I hoped for at least three years more to “minister” to my family like Jesus had. Instead, God has graciously nearly doubled that time for me, yet I have wasted more hours than I can bear to admit. I have missed endless opportunities to use my time to glorify God. But our gracious Lord always gives me another chance, another day to be used for Him.

The other lesson Hummel says we can learn from the life of Jesus is the balance between time with God and time with others. Compared to most Christians today, Jesus spent an amazing amount of time with his Father. He actually abided with God on a constant basis, seeking His will and His purpose every moment of the day. I tend to compartmentalize my prayer life and my practical life, and of course the practical demands squeeze out my time with the Lord. Learning to abide with Him in the midst of my activities has become a major and exciting practice: when I do it right, I can feel peace and a nearly leisurely sense in my spirit in the midst of busy moments. Abiding in Him and being about His business makes it clear to me what the priorities should be in my life. I’m able to prioritize the “important” and not become a slave to the “urgent”. 

Living with fatigue is not really the problem—God knows my limitations and what He apportions for me will be better than anything I could dream up for myself. As I heard on a Christian radio station recently: “God’s plans are better than our dreams.” And if we are about His work, our lives will be “finished” lives, no matter how long or short they might be.

Lord, I pray for Your will to be done in my life and in the lives of those who seek you. As we abide in You, show us how to use the time that You have given us. Let our lives be “finished” lives that bring You glory and complete the work that You have given us to do. Guide our decisions as we undertake new tasks and apportion our time. And thank You for every one of our days, precious gifts from You. Amen.

From Strength to Strength

 “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

After I was diagnosed with cancer, my husband and my father worked hard to put an attractive, adhesive “engraving” above our fireplace mantel that read: “Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings as eagles. Isaiah 40:31.” I was confined to a chair next to that mantel where I read those words over and over again, but since I couldn’t even get up from the chair by myself, I couldn’t imagine ever regaining my former strength. Yet I continued to hope and to trust and to pray, and months later I found myself sauntering past those words at quite a brisk pace, smiling to myself at how fortunate I was that the medicine was doing its work. Then I glanced outside where, right in our backyard on a low branch above the stream, were two bald eagles, visiting for that one and only time. Sometimes, God has to send me a visual reminder of all that He does for me, in case I begin to think that I have done it on my own. Yes, the medicine HAD done its work, but I had God to thank for that, too. He promised that I would “soar on wings as eagles” and I think of that when I am enjoying long walks or travelling by airplane to destinations that I didn’t think I would ever see again.

But physical strength is not the most important gift that He has given me. Rather, it is the strength of my mind that has carried me through the ups and downs of the past few years. Many of my most difficult battles have been fought in my mind instead of in my body. Sometimes it’s even easier emotionally to undergo treatment and be actively engaged in fighting my cancer than to enjoy remission. Remission can feel like the “calm before the storm”, particularly with a cancer like multiple myeloma when the relapse rate is high. Training my mind to release all my fears and worries about the future and to focus on the joys of today takes daily work. Sometimes I can only take baby steps, but progress can still be made if I focus on going “from strength to strength.”  (Psalm 84:7) I don’t need to focus on the entirety of the rest of my life (however long that may be), but just on the next moment. He has given me the strength for this day, and He will give me the strength for tomorrow. I might not feel like I have enough strength for tomorrow right now, but He promises that it WILL be there.

A friend sent me a bookmark from one of her favorite devotions (www.dailyword.com) and I tried to read it every day during the first year of my recovery, as an affirmation and a reminder of God’s faithfulness.

The strength of God is present and active within my body and mind. God’s vision for me is wholeness and vitality. I align my thoughts, feelings and beliefs with these truths and remove any barriers I may have built in fear. I open to the flow of divine energy and life that strengthens, sustains and heals me in body and mind.

                Just as divine strength infuses my body, it also empowers me to use my mind constructively. In faith, I focus my thoughts on what I want to experience. If I find myself worrying, I gently set those worries aside and affirm I am strong in body and mind. I draw from the wellspring of divine strength within.

                “The Lord shall guide you continually…and you shall be like a watered garden,…like a spring of water, whose waters never fail.” Isaiah 58:11

Lord, give me the strength that I need for this day. Deliver me from all physical, mental, and spiritual weakness, that “I may rejoice and be glad all my days.” (Psalm 90:15) I hold fast to the promise that you have made in Isaiah 41:10: “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” In Jesus’ name, Amen.

True Solace

“He will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful.”       

1 Corinthians 1:8-9

Some of my favorite devotionals are by Charles Spurgeon. Both Morning by Morning and Evening by Evening are among my favorites. One of his writings, “A Solace for Sick Saints”, has much more meaning to those who have walked through the valley of pain and despair:

“They have grown faint, and they fear that they shall never rise from the bed of doubt and fear...”

Isn’t that the truth—physically, emotionally and spiritually—for a cancer patient! The many weeks that I spent recovering from compression fractures were spent in a special hospital bed that my husband imported to our bedroom. Each morning, I would raise myself up, inch by inch, with the little button on the mechanical bed, hoping against hope that I wouldn’t experience painful muscle spasms as I struggled to emerge from my cozy cocoon. And then there was the battle of the mind: This might be it for the rest of your life. Get used to this bed. You might never walk to the mailbox again. Just be happy you can still make it the bathroom, etc., etc… And of course, spiritually I began to doubt God. Why would You allow this to happen? You know that I have children to raise, a busy life to lead, work to do!

“…but the Great Physician can both remove the disease and take away the weakness which has come of it.” Yes, He can and He does and He has. He certainly strengthened my muscles; I’ll never forget the day I stooped down to pick something up and I could rise again all by myself, with nobody's arms to help lift me. Oh, the simple joys of life! And the hours of free time that I had to read, to pray, and to journal played a huge role in my spiritual life, strengthening my relationship with Him as well. He drew me closer to Him as He removed the disease, strengthening body, mind and soul.

“He will strengthen the feeble. This He will do in the best possible way, for it shall be “in Jehovah.””

I will always believe in doctors as instruments of God’s healing power, but there are times He does step in and personally do the work. We should never forget the experiences in our disease that cannot be explained by medicine. They are given to us as a testimony, and we should share them with others. These “mountaintop experiences” will be there to lift our spirits when find ourselves in the valley.

“Our strength is far better in God than in self. In the Lord it causes fellowship, in ourselves it would create pride. In ourselves it would be sadly limited, but in God it knows no bound.”

Our strength is so much better in God because He will never disappoint us and He is never done giving. His strength comes always at the perfect time, and often after we have learned the hard lesson that we can no longer continue by our own strength. When things are going well, I tend to give myself credit for choosing the right doctor, taking the right therapy, and using the right supplements. Meanwhile, I am weakening inwardly as I sacrifice my fellowship with the One who gives me strength. I am soon reminded that there are weaknesses and imperfections in what man can do for me; only Jehovah has the power to meet all my needs.

“When strength is given, the believer uses it. He walks up and down in the name of the Lord. What an enjoyment it is to walk abroad after a season of prostration! The Lord gives His people liberty to walk up and down and an inward leisure to exercise that liberty. He makes gentlemen of us: we are not slaves who know no rest and see no sights, but we are free to travel at our ease throughout Immanuel's land. Come, my heart, be thou no more sick and sorry; Jesus bids thee be strong and walk with God in holy contemplation. Obey His word of love.”

It is indeed a tremendous joy to “walk up and down” again after a long illness. But Spurgeon is also speaking about strengthening our hurting hearts. In those seasons when it is impossible to walk up and down physically, we have the gift of being able to travel throughout Scripture and to see glimpses Heaven on earth, through the letters that God has written to us, through the stories of his faithful witnesses, through long conversations with Him. If we focus on Him, we won’t dwell on our problems nearly so much. In fact, we will seek to do His will for us, and won’t even feel so sorry for ourselves. We will be so strengthened by our fellowship with Him that we won’t feel powerless or defeated. We will rise in spirit and with joy to live out our calling. He will do this for us, because He is faithful. May the joy of the Lord be our strength!

Thank You, Father, for the strength that You are able to pour into these weak bones. Each time I think I’m at the end of my endurance, You pour new life into my heart and I rise again. Strengthen the weak, and fill their lives with purpose and joy. I pray for the lonely, the hurting, the fearful, and all those who feel they have no life left in them. I pray that they will let You meet all their needs.