Remembering Who God Is

“Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.” Isaiah 12:2

After almost 8 years of constant cancer treatments, you’d think I would have conquered fear by now. But fear still creeps up on me when I let my guard down or let busy days squeeze out prayer time. Or sometimes it attacks in the middle of the night, when I begin to wonder about aches and pains that would be normal for most people, but not for a myeloma patient. Recently when I felt a fear attack coming on while driving to an oncology appointment, I heard the Spirit say gently to me, “Dana, you need to remember Who I Am.” I so often forget to look to Him first, to place Him between my life and my circumstances, and to see my circumstances through His love and His plan for me. I like to imagine the cross of Christ between me and every situation, reminding me to look at circumstances and conversations from His point of view, and trusting that He will filter every medical update, discussion, advice—even conversations with people who are difficult to love. Imagining the cross of Christ before me helps me remember to not only be a faithful witness, but serves as a comforting protection that I will hear and receive only what He desires for me.

If I really want to combat fear, I need to focus on the truths and promises in His Word. I need to remember that God’s plan to send his Son to earth was rooted in His great love for me and His desire that I would spend eternity with Him. He wants me to live abundantly and joyfully on this earth, resting in the assurance that He has much greater plans for me. Isaiah reminds us that, “Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.” (Is. 12:2) Death is not an enemy for the Christian. Conquering our fear of death opens up our lives to the joy that God wants us to have. “With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation. (Is. 12:3) I can accept what happens in my life without bitterness or defeat when I remember that God’s plans for me will always prevail, and that I will NOT leave this earth until his perfect plan for my life is complete! To combat fear, I remember Who He Is, and that no greater love exists. Our story on earth will not end until He decrees it. Until then, we can rest in His promise to be with us every step of the way.

“Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and your right hand delivers me. The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.” (Psalm 138:7-8)

Heavenly Father, We need You. We need You every moment of this challenging journey. As you told your people in Isaiah’s time, “If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all.” (Is. 7:9) How true this is for us! You are the only one mighty to save us. Lead us along the path that is right for each of us, increase our faith in your promises, and help us to trust You with every part of our lives. Help our unbelief, God. Help us to remember that Jesus already defeated death on the cross, and help us to walk in victory. Amen!

Letting God Lead the Way

“I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:1—2

Like so many cancer patients, I try to watch what I eat and drink to maximize my quality of life and to support my therapy, hoping always that food, drink, medicine, and prayer will heal me of this disease once and for all. Some days it can be overwhelming to navigate the research available regarding supplements and diets, and the impact that such foods may have—positively and negatively—on my disease. It’s easy to feel guilty for what I eat, as well as for what I don’t eat. 

Last spring I hired a nutritionist to guide me, but several months later I relapsed while on a special herbal protocol. My nutritionist wanted me to try another natural treatment, to “hit it hard” with a blend of burdock seed, poke, baptisia, mistletoe, and other natural poisons. She even called this special formula “Saving Dana”. She is not a quack in medical circles—she teaches nutritional classes to medical students at well-known hospitals and has a pharmaceutical background, and I have the utmost respect for her. But even though I knew her custom blend would never be enough to combat my aggressive disease, it was such a dear, generous, and loving gesture to prepare a special tonic for me that I didn’t want to disappoint her. I took it faithfully while my oncologist ordered a biopsy of a lymph node and we waited for results. A month later, after taking only the special tonic, my numbers were worse than they had been in almost 7 years. God then led me to begin an immunotherapy that my oncologist recommended, thereby “ruining” the alternative treatment and letting the nutritionist down.

I know that many times alternative treatments work, but just as many—if not more times—they don’t. Perhaps the special tonic would have worked in another situation or if I had taken it longer, but my numbers were rising so quickly that I couldn’t take that chance. Nobody can make such a difficult, personal decision regarding a treatment or therapy except the patient. It’s the very same with our response to God. He doesn’t call us all to follow Him in the same way. I know some amazing Christian cancer patients who have been healed by faith alone and not with traditional medicine. In my situation, God has not chosen to work that way but rather continues to lead me to amazing doctors and new therapies that keep my disease at bay, but which do not eradicate my cancer completely. I yearn for Him to take it away forever, but He hasn’t chosen to do that yet.

The most critical thing we can do is pray for God to guide us. He is a God of order, not of confusion, and He will make the path clear for us. We can only follow the path, however, if we are walking in His light, if we are spending time in His word. “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” (Psalm 119:105) When I am swimming in a sea of confusion about which way to go, it’s almost always because I haven’t spent enough time in prayer, or because I haven’t been patient enough to hear His directive. Sometimes I’m so confused that I need to ask others to help me discern His guidance, and that’s okay, too. He doesn’t always speak to us directly—sometimes He speaks through others—but when we abide in Him as his “trusting sheep”, we will always recognize His voice, and we will always find His path.

The next most critical thing we can do is not to judge one another’s decisions, but to pray earnestly for one another. Mother Teresa said: “Criticism is nothing less than dressed up pride. It eats up all the love of God.” We’re all in this together—let’s pray earnestly for each another and not judge one another’s treatment decisions. God does not treat all His children alike—our burdens are not the same—but He loves us equally and passionately and will always do what is right for each of us. What an amazing God we serve!

Dear Lord, We are drowning in options and information in this society! Help us to make sense of the treatments available to us. You have created these marvelous bodies, and You know exactly what they need to be healthy and to fight disease. Help us to hear Your voice and to follow Your lead. Shine Your light on the right supplements, the right protocol, the right doctor. We know that You have amazing plans for each of us, and every day we wake up amazed that You want to use us for another day. Thank You for this gift of love! In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Standing Still

“Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken.” Psalm 62:5-6 

So many times during my years as a cancer patient my plans are suddenly interrupted by a reminder of my disease, and life comes to an abrupt standstill. The most challenging days are by far waiting for those interminable test results. The hours in my days are difficult to fill with any kind of meaningful focus, and constant thoughts of “what-if” put me in a very vulnerable position spiritually. The “what-ifs” quickly give way to uncertainty, which gives way to fear, which could easily lead to despair. I begin to doubt all the treatment choices I have made in the past, and wonder whether I ever heard God correctly. I begin to doubt my doctor, in spite of the excellent care she has given me for more than 6 years and the undeniable fact that she was brought to me by God just when I was about to make a major mistake at a different hospital. But worst of all, I begin to doubt that God is in control. Have I been following His lead correctly? Am I really where He wants me to be? Why would He bring me to this place?

When life comes to a standstill, I have two choices: fret myself into deeper anxiety as I seek the world’s wisdom and spend more time on research than in prayer, or throw myself on God's mercy and choose to trust that He will lead me when the time is right. I can testify that the first option does nothing to help me sleep at night; it robs me of my daily struggle to have victory over cancer. While researching my disease is not a bad thing in and of itself, the Internet soon becomes my god. Researching blindly brings only greater anxiety; it is only productive when God leads me, and not vice versa. Remembering that He is sovereign, that He is still and forever in control, will always produce peace and will lead to much greater clarity. As Charles Spurgeon so vividly puts it: “Cowardice says, ‘Retreat; go back to the worldling’s way of action; you cannot play the Christian’s part, it is too difficult. Relinquish your principles.’ But, however much Satan may urge this course upon you, you cannot follow it if you are a child of God. His divine fiat has bid you to go from strength to strength, and so you shall, and neither death nor hell shall turn you from your course. What, if for a while you are called to stand still—yet this is but to renew your strength for some greater advance in due time."

Standing still may be God's plan for us; it may be a time to pause and draw closer to Him, in preparation for what is to come. Satan will swoop in during these times to plant all different seeds of doubt; he will try to convince us that we have been on the wrong path. He will do everything he can to pull us away from prayer by convincing us that it is not helping. P.T. Forsyth said that, “The worst sin is prayerlessness” and the root of all sin is self-sufficiency. We must not be tempted to take matters into our own hands! If we have sat at God’s feet and prayed, yet nothing seems to be happening, we must not give up on Him but rather "stand still" and wait for His deliverance. In many times throughout the Bible, God orders His people to “stand still” in order to SEE their deliverance!

1 Samuel 12:16: “Now then, stand still and see this great thing the Lord is about to do before your eyes!”

Exodus 14:14: “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

Psalm 46:10a: “Be still, and know that I am God.”

Every morning, a “Daily Blessing” is delivered to my email address by Susie Larson (info@susielarson.com). This morning’s was particularly fitting and beautiful: “May God give you extra grace to thrive in life even when your heart is breaking. May you enjoy spilling-over-joy even before the breakthrough comes. May you find cause to celebrate and rejoice over all that is right in your world. Refuse to let your angst have the last say. God is the Redeemer and makes all things new. Never give up hope. Keep believing that God is good because He is, and He intends to redeem your story. Blessings on your day.”

Heavenly Father, Grant me the grace to wait patiently for You, and the will power not to take matters into my own hands. Help me to stand still and wait expectantly, with peace and joy, for the deliverance that You have planned. May this time be a period of strengthening and growth. Thank You for Your perfect timing, Your faithfulness, and Your great love for Your people. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Rejoicing in Suffering

“Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s suffering, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.” I Peter 4:12—13

 I’ll never forget the first time our pastor visited me in the hospital. I was feeling very peaceful and even hopeful, despite the grim prognosis and the fact that I couldn’t get out of bed. He proceeded to give me Holy Communion, but when he began the liturgy and referenced the sufferings of Christ, tears began streaming down my cheeks. A sudden realization came upon me that my suffering did not come close to the pain and alienation that Jesus experienced. I realized that in fact, compared with what Jesus endured, my unfortunate circumstance could hardly be counted as “suffering” at all. I was cherished, loved and cared for by family, friends and a compassionate medical team: not betrayed, cast away, and abhorred by man. I was in a comfortable room with pain medication regularly delivered: not struggling in agony for every breath while nailed to a cross. Compared with Christ, I will never experience true suffering. Thanks to Christ, I can instead rejoice in my suffering.

In his message “Why We Can Rejoice in Suffering”, John Piper explains that we as Christians can rejoice because we know God is sovereign over our trials; we know He is faithful to be with us in the midst of our pain; and we know and trust that He is in control of our circumstances. All suffering is purposeful in that “it proves and strengthens real faith.” Our pain may be great, but God can use it for our good. What is another reason Christians can rejoice? Because we know that “….in the hour of greatest trial there is a great consolation. In great suffering on earth there is great support from heaven. You may think now that you will not be able to bear it….[but] the Spirit of glory and of God [will rest on you] in suffering.….The Spirit will reveal enough of glory and enough of God to satisfy your soul, and carry you through.” Piper exhorts and encourages his listeners to “seek to be holy; seek to bring truth; seek to bear witness; and do not turn aside from risk. And sooner or later you will experience the Spirit of glory and of God resting upon you in suffering.”

Holy Lord, we praise You for the peace and joy that Your Spirit amazingly pours out upon us during times of trial. Help us now, Lord, as we cry out to You from this place of pain and suffering. Surround us with Your love and assurance. May we bring glory to You through our trials! In the name of Your son, our Savior Jesus Christ, Amen.

Our Most Important Legacy

“This day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” Nehemiah 8:10

Many cancer patients struggle with coming to terms with their mortality. We used to feel invincible; we never imagined that death was knocking at our door. Ignoring death was easy in the B.C. (before cancer) years but nearly impossible in the A.D. (after diagnosis) days. There are just too many reminders: doctor appointments, blood work, treatments, and especially friends and other acquaintances who die from the disease. Now we have to actually face this very real enemy called Death, this robber of our days. We have to acknowledge death and decide what to do with it.

When people ask me for advice on dealing with the fear of death, five simple but powerful words come to mind: KEEP YOUR EYES ON JESUS. Counselors will provide many helpful and proactive strategies like organizing your photos, reviewing your will, journaling, and creating a “bucket list” of all the things you’d like to do before you die. Keeping busy and productive certainly helps me not to think about death, but it does nothing to take away the fear of death. When fear strikes during the quiet times, the “bad-news-from-the-doctor” times, or the times I check the local obituaries and see whom cancer has stolen today, the only remedy is to keep my eyes on Jesus.

Fear that drives us to God is not a faithless fear, but a faith-filled fear. Christians should not be ashamed to feel afraid; even Jesus, the most perfect example of humanity, was afraid before going to the cross. And Jesus, this most perfect example, showed us what to do with our fear when he spent hours in prayer before his Father in the garden of Gethsemane. When I can’t find the words that I need to pray, I read a Psalm, such as Psalm 61, which Charles Spurgeon calls “a pearl…little, but precious. To many a mourner it has furnished utterance when the mind could not have devised a speech for itself.” Spurgeon also writes: “It is hard to pray when the very heart is drowning, yet gracious men plead best at such times. Tribulation brings us to God, and brings God to us. Faith’s greatest triumphs are achieved in her heaviest trials.”

When we pray, we can ask Jesus to redeem all the time we have left on earth. We must remain active in service for Him, never passive. Many of us no longer have the strength for the tasks we used to do, but we can still pray fervently. Job was the most stricken human being in the Bible; his story is incredibly humbling, because we will never suffer the way he did. Yet he did not turn away from God—Job cried out to God in deep despair, and God met Job’s deepest need. Yet when did God restore Job? “After Job had prayed for his friends, the Lord made him prosperous again and gave him twice as much as he had before.” (Job 42:10) That verse really struck me in the early days of my diagnosis, when the disease was rampant and I felt as though death was closing in. I could do nothing while lying in that hospital bed BUT pray. But the Lord soon showed me that my prayers were not all to be for myself. I realized that He wanted me to pray for others: for my husband, my children, my friends, my extended family, those cancer patients receiving chemotherapy next to me, and even despairing strangers whose names I knew from cancer forums and whom I would never meet. The Lord gave me a mission and a legacy.

In his book Praying Circles around the Lives of Your Children, Mark Batterson agrees that our prayers are our greatest legacy. Our prayers will continue to be answered long after we have left this earth, just as we are experiencing the blessings from prayers that grandparents and ancestors prayed for us. Batterson writes: “I believe that every blessing, every breakthrough, every miracle in your life traces back to the prayers that were prayed by you or for you. One of the greatest moments in eternity will be the day God peels back the space-time curtain and unveils His sovereignty by connecting the divine dots between our prayers and His answers. That infinite web of prayer crisscrosses every nation, every generation. And when God finally reveals His strange and mysterious ways, it will drop us to our knees in worship. We will thank Him for the prayers he did answer. We’ll also thank Him for the prayers He didn’t answer because we’ll finally understand why. And we’ll thank Him for the answered prayers we weren’t even aware of.”

What can we do when fear strikes our hearts? Pray. Throw ourselves at His feet and pray. Pray the Psalms. Pray for others. As we pray, we will realize that we no longer pray because of our fear. Fear drives us to prayer, but as we pray our hearts begin to change. Fear is replaced by joy and love for the One who created us and is present with us. We pray out of devotion “to God who adds days to our days”, with gratitude and thanksgiving for each day that we are here to do His work and to participate in the greatest legacy He has planned for us—to pray for others.

Thank You Lord, for the gift of prayer. Thank You that You are always present to hear us, to comfort us, and to bless us with Your mercy and grace. Help us to focus our prayers, not just on our own needs, but on the needs of others. Help us to pray according to Your Spirit, and when we cannot find the words, comfort us with Your promise to intercede for us. We praise You, the One from whom ALL blessings flow!

Psalm 61

Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer.

From the ends of the earth I call to you,

I call as my heart grows faint;

Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe.

I long to dwell in your tent forever

And take refuge in the shelter of your wings.

For you have heard my vows, O God;

You have given me the heritage of those who fear your name.

*Increase the days of the king’s life,

His years for many generations.

May he be enthroned in God’s presence forever;

Appoint your love and faithfulness to protect him.

Then will I ever sing praise to your name

And fulfill my vows day after day.

*David is praying this psalm for himself; you may wish to speak in the 1^st person to make it a personal plea for yourself: “Increase the days of MY life, MY years for many generations. May I be enthroned in God’s presence forever; Appoint your love and faithfulness to protect ME.”

What Kind of Sufferer Am I?

“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” James 1:12

Have you ever been offended by the words of comfort that someone offers you? Shortly after my cancer diagnosis, I bristled when someone shared the truth that God works all things for the good of those who love Him. (Romans 8:28) On the other hand, I felt buoyed when someone offered me false hope, prophesying without conviction, “You WILL beat this!!” I wanted to hear empty words of hope, not the cold, hard truths about how God uses suffering in my life. Because of my own reaction to words of comfort, I have become wary of offering any words to others during their time of distress. It’s so difficult to know what will speak to them and encourage them, versus what will bring added grief and pain.

In his book “Walking with God through Pain and Suffering”, Timothy Keller shares his insights on the diversity of suffering and how the words we use will have a different impact depending on the type of sufferer a person is. Keller writes: “Some people in suffering are tempted toward self-pity and pride, toward feeling like a noble martyr. They need gentle opposition. Others are tempted toward shame and self-hatred. They need assurance.” Keller’s categories, while certainly not applicable to every situation, have been such a help to me.

Just this morning, I was discussing them with a mature Christian friend of mine. She is staying in our home while her family has moved to another city a few hours away. Because she is the bread-winner in the family, she has to stay here to work until her new job begins in a couple of weeks. Going through bankruptcy, losing their home and selling most of their possessions has been a major trial for her, and it would likely have been avoided if her husband had been able to work these past five years, but he has tried repeatedly and unsuccessfully to find a position. This friend told me that she always appreciates how I don’t give her any slack, and how my words convict her to pull herself up by her bootstraps, trust God, and get moving, to “walk on water and keep your eyes on Jesus”. At first, I was a bit alarmed to hear my words thrown back at me. “Have I shown you enough compassion?” I asked anxiously, because sometimes I (and many cancer patients, I have learned) don’t view non-life-threatening trials as seriously or as compassionately as they regard a terminal disease. Once I even said to her, after she had given me a list of all the truly distressing events of the day: “Well, all I can say is, at least you still have your health!”

My gracious friend assured me that she has always needed to hear the words that I have to say, and that those who give her too much sympathy or pity do nothing to comfort her. That was when I realized that she must be in the first category of Keller’s sufferers: those “noble martyrs” who need words of “gentle opposition”, Biblical truths that will convict them. My friend’s husband, on the other hand, definitely falls in the other camp. He is beaten down by feelings of uselessness and defeat, fretting that he is unworthy and unable to provide for his family. Tending toward shame and self-hatred, he needs more sympathy and positive encouragement from others, not gentle chastisement.

After neatly categorizing my friends, I realized that I had given very little thought to myself. What kind of sufferer am I? While there is overlap depending on the situation or trial, I must confess that when it comes to suffering with cancer, I would be the former type: the one who falls more easily into self-pity, the victim of my circumstances, the “noble martyr” who perseveres when life, through no fault of mine, throws arrows my way.

When I think “I don’t deserve this disease”, I need a friend to say to me gently: “This is the fallen world in which we live. Jesus didn’t deserve to die for your sins, but he chose to suffer on your behalf, so trust him NOW. Go to him and let him comfort you and fill you with his peace. There is no pain that you are suffering now that he has not endured as well. Rest assured that he has everything under control.”

“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

When I believe that I am just a victim of circumstance, I need to be reminded: “You are not a victim; we who are in Christ can claim his promises and his strength! He has crushed the power of sin and death. Claim the victory that you have in Him, and rejoice in this gift. Trust him and look for the ways that he will use this disease to strengthen you and to bless others in your life. Look for the purpose in it and the blessings from it, not just the difficult times and the losses. His grace IS enough.”
“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” Romans 8:37

When I wallow in the self-pitying thought, “Why me?” I need a friend to prick my conscience and say: “How much has the Lord spared you and saved you from in this life that you don’t even recognize and that you never even deserved? Have you even thanked Him lately for all the amazing gifts that He has given you? His grace knows no bounds! Rejoice that He is with you, that He will never leave you! The fact that He is allowing you to go through this trial is proof enough that there is a great purpose in it. Be part of the blessing—let Him use the disease for His glory! Don’t miss out on the miracles that can be achieved through this trial by turning away from Him!”

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1: 2—4

Thank You, Lord, for friends who speak the truth in love, and for Your Word that brings life. Thank You for all the pain that You have spared me from, and all the suffering that You have entrusted me with. Let me rejoice that ALL THINGS—even incurable diseases—can be used by You for the good of those who love You. May my disease be used for Your glory! Amen.

The Tyranny of the Urgent

“I have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do.” John 17:4

Most cancer patients battle fatigue on a regular, if not daily, basis. When I have a break in my treatment every three weeks or so, I’m amazed at how energetic I feel. It reminds me of the “nesting” activity that would strike at the end of each of my pregnancies. I am bursting with new ideas for improving the house, for new recipes, or for new curriculum for a high school program I’m involved with. I pull out books that I’ve been yearning to read, and I begin a major organizational project—or more accurately, several projects at once—such as cleaning out the pantry or organizing my beloved books. And then all my efforts come crashing to a halt a few days later when the fatigue sets in again, that never-ending cycle of too much and too little energy. Although it’s easy to blame my cancer for my lack of progress, the truth is, I have just as much time every day as everyone else. It’s my pattern of living that is the real problem.

Charles E. Hummel’s booklet “The Tyranny of the Urgent” is worth rereading every few months. By using the life of Jesus as a model, Hummel shows how we can have peace in our souls and joy in our tasks without the constant burden of guilt over what we have left undone. For one thing, Jesus was always about his Father’s task (“I always do what pleases him.” John 8:29). That is why, Hummel writes, Jesus was able to completely fulfill his ministry on earth in only three years. When I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma more than five years ago, I hoped for at least three years more to “minister” to my family like Jesus had. Instead, God has graciously nearly doubled that time for me, yet I have wasted more hours than I can bear to admit. I have missed endless opportunities to use my time to glorify God. But our gracious Lord always gives me another chance, another day to be used for Him.

The other lesson Hummel says we can learn from the life of Jesus is the balance between time with God and time with others. Compared to most Christians today, Jesus spent an amazing amount of time with his Father. He actually abided with God on a constant basis, seeking His will and His purpose every moment of the day. I tend to compartmentalize my prayer life and my practical life, and of course the practical demands squeeze out my time with the Lord. Learning to abide with Him in the midst of my activities has become a major and exciting practice: when I do it right, I can feel peace and a nearly leisurely sense in my spirit in the midst of busy moments. Abiding in Him and being about His business makes it clear to me what the priorities should be in my life. I’m able to prioritize the “important” and not become a slave to the “urgent”. 

Living with fatigue is not really the problem—God knows my limitations and what He apportions for me will be better than anything I could dream up for myself. As I heard on a Christian radio station recently: “God’s plans are better than our dreams.” And if we are about His work, our lives will be “finished” lives, no matter how long or short they might be.

Lord, I pray for Your will to be done in my life and in the lives of those who seek you. As we abide in You, show us how to use the time that You have given us. Let our lives be “finished” lives that bring You glory and complete the work that You have given us to do. Guide our decisions as we undertake new tasks and apportion our time. And thank You for every one of our days, precious gifts from You. Amen.