Rejoicing in Suffering

“Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s suffering, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.” I Peter 4:12—13

 I’ll never forget the first time our pastor visited me in the hospital. I was feeling very peaceful and even hopeful, despite the grim prognosis and the fact that I couldn’t get out of bed. He proceeded to give me Holy Communion, but when he began the liturgy and referenced the sufferings of Christ, tears began streaming down my cheeks. A sudden realization came upon me that my suffering did not come close to the pain and alienation that Jesus experienced. I realized that in fact, compared with what Jesus endured, my unfortunate circumstance could hardly be counted as “suffering” at all. I was cherished, loved and cared for by family, friends and a compassionate medical team: not betrayed, cast away, and abhorred by man. I was in a comfortable room with pain medication regularly delivered: not struggling in agony for every breath while nailed to a cross. Compared with Christ, I will never experience true suffering. Thanks to Christ, I can instead rejoice in my suffering.

In his message “Why We Can Rejoice in Suffering”, John Piper explains that we as Christians can rejoice because we know God is sovereign over our trials; we know He is faithful to be with us in the midst of our pain; and we know and trust that He is in control of our circumstances. All suffering is purposeful in that “it proves and strengthens real faith.” Our pain may be great, but God can use it for our good. What is another reason Christians can rejoice? Because we know that “….in the hour of greatest trial there is a great consolation. In great suffering on earth there is great support from heaven. You may think now that you will not be able to bear it….[but] the Spirit of glory and of God [will rest on you] in suffering.….The Spirit will reveal enough of glory and enough of God to satisfy your soul, and carry you through.” Piper exhorts and encourages his listeners to “seek to be holy; seek to bring truth; seek to bear witness; and do not turn aside from risk. And sooner or later you will experience the Spirit of glory and of God resting upon you in suffering.”

Holy Lord, we praise You for the peace and joy that Your Spirit amazingly pours out upon us during times of trial. Help us now, Lord, as we cry out to You from this place of pain and suffering. Surround us with Your love and assurance. May we bring glory to You through our trials! In the name of Your son, our Savior Jesus Christ, Amen.

Our Most Important Legacy

“This day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” Nehemiah 8:10

Many cancer patients struggle with coming to terms with their mortality. We used to feel invincible; we never imagined that death was knocking at our door. Ignoring death was easy in the B.C. (before cancer) years but nearly impossible in the A.D. (after diagnosis) days. There are just too many reminders: doctor appointments, blood work, treatments, and especially friends and other acquaintances who die from the disease. Now we have to actually face this very real enemy called Death, this robber of our days. We have to acknowledge death and decide what to do with it.

When people ask me for advice on dealing with the fear of death, five simple but powerful words come to mind: KEEP YOUR EYES ON JESUS. Counselors will provide many helpful and proactive strategies like organizing your photos, reviewing your will, journaling, and creating a “bucket list” of all the things you’d like to do before you die. Keeping busy and productive certainly helps me not to think about death, but it does nothing to take away the fear of death. When fear strikes during the quiet times, the “bad-news-from-the-doctor” times, or the times I check the local obituaries and see whom cancer has stolen today, the only remedy is to keep my eyes on Jesus.

Fear that drives us to God is not a faithless fear, but a faith-filled fear. Christians should not be ashamed to feel afraid; even Jesus, the most perfect example of humanity, was afraid before going to the cross. And Jesus, this most perfect example, showed us what to do with our fear when he spent hours in prayer before his Father in the garden of Gethsemane. When I can’t find the words that I need to pray, I read a Psalm, such as Psalm 61, which Charles Spurgeon calls “a pearl…little, but precious. To many a mourner it has furnished utterance when the mind could not have devised a speech for itself.” Spurgeon also writes: “It is hard to pray when the very heart is drowning, yet gracious men plead best at such times. Tribulation brings us to God, and brings God to us. Faith’s greatest triumphs are achieved in her heaviest trials.”

When we pray, we can ask Jesus to redeem all the time we have left on earth. We must remain active in service for Him, never passive. Many of us no longer have the strength for the tasks we used to do, but we can still pray fervently. Job was the most stricken human being in the Bible; his story is incredibly humbling, because we will never suffer the way he did. Yet he did not turn away from God—Job cried out to God in deep despair, and God met Job’s deepest need. Yet when did God restore Job? “After Job had prayed for his friends, the Lord made him prosperous again and gave him twice as much as he had before.” (Job 42:10) That verse really struck me in the early days of my diagnosis, when the disease was rampant and I felt as though death was closing in. I could do nothing while lying in that hospital bed BUT pray. But the Lord soon showed me that my prayers were not all to be for myself. I realized that He wanted me to pray for others: for my husband, my children, my friends, my extended family, those cancer patients receiving chemotherapy next to me, and even despairing strangers whose names I knew from cancer forums and whom I would never meet. The Lord gave me a mission and a legacy.

In his book Praying Circles around the Lives of Your Children, Mark Batterson agrees that our prayers are our greatest legacy. Our prayers will continue to be answered long after we have left this earth, just as we are experiencing the blessings from prayers that grandparents and ancestors prayed for us. Batterson writes: “I believe that every blessing, every breakthrough, every miracle in your life traces back to the prayers that were prayed by you or for you. One of the greatest moments in eternity will be the day God peels back the space-time curtain and unveils His sovereignty by connecting the divine dots between our prayers and His answers. That infinite web of prayer crisscrosses every nation, every generation. And when God finally reveals His strange and mysterious ways, it will drop us to our knees in worship. We will thank Him for the prayers he did answer. We’ll also thank Him for the prayers He didn’t answer because we’ll finally understand why. And we’ll thank Him for the answered prayers we weren’t even aware of.”

What can we do when fear strikes our hearts? Pray. Throw ourselves at His feet and pray. Pray the Psalms. Pray for others. As we pray, we will realize that we no longer pray because of our fear. Fear drives us to prayer, but as we pray our hearts begin to change. Fear is replaced by joy and love for the One who created us and is present with us. We pray out of devotion “to God who adds days to our days”, with gratitude and thanksgiving for each day that we are here to do His work and to participate in the greatest legacy He has planned for us—to pray for others.

Thank You Lord, for the gift of prayer. Thank You that You are always present to hear us, to comfort us, and to bless us with Your mercy and grace. Help us to focus our prayers, not just on our own needs, but on the needs of others. Help us to pray according to Your Spirit, and when we cannot find the words, comfort us with Your promise to intercede for us. We praise You, the One from whom ALL blessings flow!

Psalm 61

Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer.

From the ends of the earth I call to you,

I call as my heart grows faint;

Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe.

I long to dwell in your tent forever

And take refuge in the shelter of your wings.

For you have heard my vows, O God;

You have given me the heritage of those who fear your name.

*Increase the days of the king’s life,

His years for many generations.

May he be enthroned in God’s presence forever;

Appoint your love and faithfulness to protect him.

Then will I ever sing praise to your name

And fulfill my vows day after day.

*David is praying this psalm for himself; you may wish to speak in the 1^st person to make it a personal plea for yourself: “Increase the days of MY life, MY years for many generations. May I be enthroned in God’s presence forever; Appoint your love and faithfulness to protect ME.”

What Kind of Sufferer Am I?

“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” James 1:12

Have you ever been offended by the words of comfort that someone offers you? Shortly after my cancer diagnosis, I bristled when someone shared the truth that God works all things for the good of those who love Him. (Romans 8:28) On the other hand, I felt buoyed when someone offered me false hope, prophesying without conviction, “You WILL beat this!!” I wanted to hear empty words of hope, not the cold, hard truths about how God uses suffering in my life. Because of my own reaction to words of comfort, I have become wary of offering any words to others during their time of distress. It’s so difficult to know what will speak to them and encourage them, versus what will bring added grief and pain.

In his book “Walking with God through Pain and Suffering”, Timothy Keller shares his insights on the diversity of suffering and how the words we use will have a different impact depending on the type of sufferer a person is. Keller writes: “Some people in suffering are tempted toward self-pity and pride, toward feeling like a noble martyr. They need gentle opposition. Others are tempted toward shame and self-hatred. They need assurance.” Keller’s categories, while certainly not applicable to every situation, have been such a help to me.

Just this morning, I was discussing them with a mature Christian friend of mine. She is staying in our home while her family has moved to another city a few hours away. Because she is the bread-winner in the family, she has to stay here to work until her new job begins in a couple of weeks. Going through bankruptcy, losing their home and selling most of their possessions has been a major trial for her, and it would likely have been avoided if her husband had been able to work these past five years, but he has tried repeatedly and unsuccessfully to find a position. This friend told me that she always appreciates how I don’t give her any slack, and how my words convict her to pull herself up by her bootstraps, trust God, and get moving, to “walk on water and keep your eyes on Jesus”. At first, I was a bit alarmed to hear my words thrown back at me. “Have I shown you enough compassion?” I asked anxiously, because sometimes I (and many cancer patients, I have learned) don’t view non-life-threatening trials as seriously or as compassionately as they regard a terminal disease. Once I even said to her, after she had given me a list of all the truly distressing events of the day: “Well, all I can say is, at least you still have your health!”

My gracious friend assured me that she has always needed to hear the words that I have to say, and that those who give her too much sympathy or pity do nothing to comfort her. That was when I realized that she must be in the first category of Keller’s sufferers: those “noble martyrs” who need words of “gentle opposition”, Biblical truths that will convict them. My friend’s husband, on the other hand, definitely falls in the other camp. He is beaten down by feelings of uselessness and defeat, fretting that he is unworthy and unable to provide for his family. Tending toward shame and self-hatred, he needs more sympathy and positive encouragement from others, not gentle chastisement.

After neatly categorizing my friends, I realized that I had given very little thought to myself. What kind of sufferer am I? While there is overlap depending on the situation or trial, I must confess that when it comes to suffering with cancer, I would be the former type: the one who falls more easily into self-pity, the victim of my circumstances, the “noble martyr” who perseveres when life, through no fault of mine, throws arrows my way.

When I think “I don’t deserve this disease”, I need a friend to say to me gently: “This is the fallen world in which we live. Jesus didn’t deserve to die for your sins, but he chose to suffer on your behalf, so trust him NOW. Go to him and let him comfort you and fill you with his peace. There is no pain that you are suffering now that he has not endured as well. Rest assured that he has everything under control.”

“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

When I believe that I am just a victim of circumstance, I need to be reminded: “You are not a victim; we who are in Christ can claim his promises and his strength! He has crushed the power of sin and death. Claim the victory that you have in Him, and rejoice in this gift. Trust him and look for the ways that he will use this disease to strengthen you and to bless others in your life. Look for the purpose in it and the blessings from it, not just the difficult times and the losses. His grace IS enough.”
“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” Romans 8:37

When I wallow in the self-pitying thought, “Why me?” I need a friend to prick my conscience and say: “How much has the Lord spared you and saved you from in this life that you don’t even recognize and that you never even deserved? Have you even thanked Him lately for all the amazing gifts that He has given you? His grace knows no bounds! Rejoice that He is with you, that He will never leave you! The fact that He is allowing you to go through this trial is proof enough that there is a great purpose in it. Be part of the blessing—let Him use the disease for His glory! Don’t miss out on the miracles that can be achieved through this trial by turning away from Him!”

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1: 2—4

Thank You, Lord, for friends who speak the truth in love, and for Your Word that brings life. Thank You for all the pain that You have spared me from, and all the suffering that You have entrusted me with. Let me rejoice that ALL THINGS—even incurable diseases—can be used by You for the good of those who love You. May my disease be used for Your glory! Amen.

The Tyranny of the Urgent

“I have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do.” John 17:4

Most cancer patients battle fatigue on a regular, if not daily, basis. When I have a break in my treatment every three weeks or so, I’m amazed at how energetic I feel. It reminds me of the “nesting” activity that would strike at the end of each of my pregnancies. I am bursting with new ideas for improving the house, for new recipes, or for new curriculum for a high school program I’m involved with. I pull out books that I’ve been yearning to read, and I begin a major organizational project—or more accurately, several projects at once—such as cleaning out the pantry or organizing my beloved books. And then all my efforts come crashing to a halt a few days later when the fatigue sets in again, that never-ending cycle of too much and too little energy. Although it’s easy to blame my cancer for my lack of progress, the truth is, I have just as much time every day as everyone else. It’s my pattern of living that is the real problem.

Charles E. Hummel’s booklet “The Tyranny of the Urgent” is worth rereading every few months. By using the life of Jesus as a model, Hummel shows how we can have peace in our souls and joy in our tasks without the constant burden of guilt over what we have left undone. For one thing, Jesus was always about his Father’s task (“I always do what pleases him.” John 8:29). That is why, Hummel writes, Jesus was able to completely fulfill his ministry on earth in only three years. When I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma more than five years ago, I hoped for at least three years more to “minister” to my family like Jesus had. Instead, God has graciously nearly doubled that time for me, yet I have wasted more hours than I can bear to admit. I have missed endless opportunities to use my time to glorify God. But our gracious Lord always gives me another chance, another day to be used for Him.

The other lesson Hummel says we can learn from the life of Jesus is the balance between time with God and time with others. Compared to most Christians today, Jesus spent an amazing amount of time with his Father. He actually abided with God on a constant basis, seeking His will and His purpose every moment of the day. I tend to compartmentalize my prayer life and my practical life, and of course the practical demands squeeze out my time with the Lord. Learning to abide with Him in the midst of my activities has become a major and exciting practice: when I do it right, I can feel peace and a nearly leisurely sense in my spirit in the midst of busy moments. Abiding in Him and being about His business makes it clear to me what the priorities should be in my life. I’m able to prioritize the “important” and not become a slave to the “urgent”. 

Living with fatigue is not really the problem—God knows my limitations and what He apportions for me will be better than anything I could dream up for myself. As I heard on a Christian radio station recently: “God’s plans are better than our dreams.” And if we are about His work, our lives will be “finished” lives, no matter how long or short they might be.

Lord, I pray for Your will to be done in my life and in the lives of those who seek you. As we abide in You, show us how to use the time that You have given us. Let our lives be “finished” lives that bring You glory and complete the work that You have given us to do. Guide our decisions as we undertake new tasks and apportion our time. And thank You for every one of our days, precious gifts from You. Amen.

I'm Not Alone in This

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8

As I pass the fifth year since my diagnosis of multiple myeloma, I’m amazed at how little this disease has negatively impacted my life. By God’s grace, I can remember more joyful than painful days. My loved ones give me an incredulous look when I say this, and I have to remember that sometimes it is more difficult to watch someone you love struggle than it is to suffer yourself. But even though I mean it—I don’t think cancer has taken much away from me in terms of quality of life—that statement might sound a little disingenuous to those who know what I’ve been through. Yet, when I try to focus on the events that “should” be considered terrible, I’m unable to feel the depth of despair that others assume I should be experiencing. I have worried that I’m in a perpetual state of denial, or perhaps too emotionally shallow, or that my survival instincts are off the charts. But I know the real reason I’m blessed with such a perspective: It’s because I’m not in this alone. I’ve never been alone in this. Jesus has been beside me, holding my hand or even carrying me through all of the traumatic times. By God’s grace, I’m able to dwell on all the joys that each year brings, in spite of cancer, and sometimes even because of it.

I am not in this alone, and if you are a follower of Jesus, you are never alone either. Jesus faithfully continues to carry me through the tough days. His presence changes EVERYTHING. On days when I have to stay home to recover from a treatment, it can be tempting to feel sorry for myself and to let loneliness lead to self-pity. Instead, I’ve come to look upon those times as opportunities. They are precious opportunities to bask in the presence of the One who loves us more than we can fathom. He knows us intimately, loves us deeply, and will comfort us with the most incredible peace and assurance. Spending time with Him not only changes the level of pain and sadness during the trials: it changes my entire perspective on what has been and on what lies ahead. During times of pain or uncertainty, He draws even nearer to me so that my memories of these events have a sweet, almost nostalgic, feel to them. The overriding memory is not the painful suffering, but the way He wrapped me in His reassuring presence. Even today, as I sit home with a virus because of my compromised immune system, I can rejoice that I’m not sitting here alone. I’m not alone. I never will be. And you, believer, are never alone either.

Oswald Chambers writes in his devotional My Utmost for His Highest about Jesus’ promise always to be with us: “When it seems that there is nothing and no one to help you, say to yourself, “But ’The Lord is my helper’ this very moment, even in my present circumstance.” Are you learning to listen to God before you speak, or are you saying things and then trying to make God’s Word fit what you have said? Take hold of the Father’s assurance, and then say with strong courage, “I will not fear.” It does not matter what evil or wrong may be in our way, because “He Himself has said, ’I will never leave you . . .’ ”

Kutless: “Carry Me to the Cross”

Highly Recommended!

A beautiful expression of praise that we are never alone:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0UeOSrTEAs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6BahULUIdf0        (lyrics)

Dear Jesus, Thank You for your beautiful presence. Thank you for the grace you show me every day. Thank you for carrying me every moment. Thank you for turning my mourning into dancing, and my trials into victories. Thank you for all the answered prayers—the healings you have performed in the lives of many loved ones, the beautiful way you received our mother into glory this past year, and the testimonies you continue to give our family. Most of all, thank you for your promise never to leave me. I pray that all Your children might receive the blessing of the knowledge and assurance of Your comforting presence. Amen!

The Future is God's Job

“Then they believed his promises and sang his praise. But they soon forgot what he had done and did not wait for his plan to unfold.” Psalm 106: 12—13

Sometimes the best lessons in the Bible come indirectly—not from studying the laws and the commands, but from discovering the mistakes of others. I can look at the ancient Israelites and think, “What a shame they didn’t just wait for God’s plan in their lives. They made things so much harder on themselves.” Then this warm yet strangely uncomfortable feeling slowly works its way from my head to my toes. My heart begins pounding and I feel like a schoolgirl about to be reprimanded by her teacher. The Spirit whispers to my soul, “You are exactly like them.”

I do believe God’s promises and I do sing His praise. But I also want God to tell me what will happen next. I want to know when, how, and most importantly—WHY. When will He heal me? How long, O Lord, must I wait on You? And how is it going to happen? Will it be with a raw-food diet or some alternative treatment, the use of chemotherapy, or bone marrow transplants? Or, as many Christians ironically are loath to consider, will it be through the passage of death that leads to a most amazing eternity with Him and a most perfect spiritual body, where sickness and weeping will be no more?  I, for one, would love to know! But even if given the answers to how and when, I still would not be satisfied. I would want to know why He appointed this for me. What is the purpose? What is He hoping to accomplish?  

God, in His infinite wisdom, does not usually give us detailed descriptions of how He is planning to carry out His perfect plan for our lives. Instead, He asks us to trust that He knows what He is doing. He created us, He loves us, and He promises to protect and provide for us every moment of every day. He will give us all the information that we need when we need it, not a moment too soon nor a moment too late. He will give us all the grace we need to endure our trials when we need it, not a moment too soon nor a moment too late. His timing is always perfect. His plan is always for our good. The future is God’s job, not ours. All He asks is that we trust Him, rest in Him, allow Him to comfort us, believe in His promises, and wait for Him. It sounds so easy, but even those simple tasks are impossible for me without His grace.

Father, forgive me when I take matters into my own hands without consulting You first. Forgive me for looking for other ways to calm my anxious heart instead of turning to You. I beg You to increase my faith, and help me to trust You. Help me and my precious brothers and sisters in Christ to live like we believe Your promises. Let our lives be a source of hope and peace to others. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

The Limitations of Sickness

“Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance.” Philippians 1:18b-19

As one who wrestles with cancer, I sometimes feel like my sickness has the upper hand and has me pinned to the mat. I have to remind myself that by the grace of God, I am the one on top—my sickness is limited and finite and not in control. As a character in the teen movie Penelope puts it: “It’s not the power of the curse, it’s the power you GIVE the curse” that is the problem. But nobody expresses this idea better than Charles Spurgeon, who writes about the limitations of sickness in his devotional “Evening by Evening”. He reminds us that God is control of our sickness and it can only go as far as He ordains. As God’s purpose is always for the “instruction” and not the “destruction” of His people, we can trust that He will carry us through the trial and that He will never give us more than we can bear.

“The God of providence has limited the time, manner, intensity, and effects of all our sicknesses. Each throb is decreed, each sleepless hour predestinated, each relapse ordained, each depression of spirit foreknown, and each sanctifying result eternally purposed.” Remembering what God can do through my disease and how all of this can and should be for His glory helps keep me from spiraling down into self-pity. Instead, I can thank Him for the beautiful day that I am living right now and look to see what He has in store for me and for His kingdom. For He still has great plans for each and every one of us—every single day. As long as we draw breath, He has a beautiful purpose for us.

“This limit [of sickness] is wisely adjusted to our strength, to the end designed, and to the grace apportioned. Affliction does not come by chance—the weight of every stroke of the rod—is accurately measured. He who made no mistakes in balancing the clouds, and measuring out the heavens, commits no errors in measuring out the ingredients which compose the medicine of souls. We cannot suffer too much—nor be relieved too late!” These words of Spurgeon’s are incredibly comforting to me. So often I forget that God will always rescue me in time. How often does He need to do this before I remember it always? He will always rescue me at the exact time that I can bear no more. He will never, ever let me suffer more than the grace that He gives me to endure it. And none of my suffering is ever in vain if I allow Him to work it for good—for His glory, for my benefit as I draw closer to Him, and for blessing those around me. As my youngest daughter told me about three years ago when she was only 13, “Mom, your cancer has brought me so much closer to God.” Her spiritual growth is a blessing that I have thanked God for so many times. That alone stops me in my tracks whenever the “why me’s” begin to plague me.

“The limit is tenderly appointed. The knife of the heavenly Surgeon never cuts deeper than is absolutely necessary. ‘He does not afflict willingly, nor grieve the children of men.’ A mother’s heart cries, ‘Spare my child!’ but no mother is more compassionate than our gracious God.” I am awestruck when I remember how much God loves me. He loves me more than any parent, than any human being, ever could. He grieves to see me grieve, and He only allows that grief into my life when He has a beautiful, higher purpose for it. Here on earth, I can’t conceive what that purpose can be, but I can trust that a God whose love for me is so deep and wide and infinite is using all of this cancer to accomplish something beautiful and lasting, and to bless me in ways that otherwise would not have been possible for this strong-willed child.

Lord, help to remind me that cancer never has the upper hand—only You do. You are in control of this sickness. You will only allow it to go so far, and it will never hamper Your perfect plan for my life. This cancer is pinned down and limited by You, and it cannot escape from beneath You. You have rescued me time and again from fear and pain. You seek my good at all times and will never allow disease to thwart Your perfect plan for this day. Praise be to the Father, the Son, and to the Holy Spirit!