Taking Hold of Life

"They are to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, thus storing up treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is truly life." 

1 Timothy 6:18-19

Today we heard wonderful news from a friend with throat cancer. After months of radiation and chemotherapy, his CT scan shows that he is cancer free! He has been through so much physical suffering and is still barely able to swallow even small amounts of liquid, but he stands in awe of how amazing God has been to him. Our treatments have not been anything alike, but our journeys have. By surrendering our situations to the Lord and allowing Him to carry us, we have been able to rest and heal. Our experiences are also alike in the way we have to approach every day—with hope, but not presumption. Cancer patients have an acute awareness that each season might be their last. Of course, nobody is assured that he will walk the earth next fall; but cancer patients are reminded monthly, weekly, daily--dare we say hourly?--of their mortality. We must decide every moment whether to “seize” it or squander it. So, do we call this a curse? Or might it actually be considered a blessing?

In his book The Lies We Believe, Dr. Thurman cites a study by psychiatrist Irvin Yalom who interviewed terminally ill cancer patients. Yalom learned that people who come to terms with their approaching death are more likely to:

-- rearrange their priorities and dwell less on trivial matters.

--enjoy freedom to do the things they want to do, and likewise, not do that which they do not want to.

--enjoy life in the present with “carpe diem” ("seize the day") mentality, not putting things off until after retirement or a later date.

--appreciate nature more fully and have an enhanced awareness of seasonal changes or holiday joy.

--spend time communicating more meaningfully with loved ones.

--be less worried about rejection and more willing to take risks.

It’s ironic that most of us have to experience the reality of death before we can appreciate life. So, are we who have experienced cancer more blessed by the experience than we were before? You and I can only answer that question for ourselves, as it has as much to do with our perception as with reality. But I think that most people, if they are honest with themselves, can find a blessing in their cancer, even if the blessing is that they have learned to appreciate the health they once had! My prayer is that we will not only be able to find the blessings in our situation, but also our purpose. After all, God still has work for us to do.

Father God, You know that this is not the way I wanted to live my life. This was not my plan at all! And it was not Jack’s either. But for whatever reason, You allowed this to be part of Your plan for our families. Thank you for touching him and blessing him and restoring him. Lord, Help us to count the blessings, and help us to use this cancer for Your glory. Bless those who are struggling to find peace, and help us all to live abundantly, with You and in You and through You, Amen.

A Life of Waiting

“Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.” Psalm 30:5

Our family was in serious “wait mode” after my cancer diagnosis. It was almost impossible to make any plans, whether a family vacation, a movie date with friends, or even what to have for dinner that evening! I never knew how I would be feeling, what my blood counts would look like, or how the treatment would change. Just when I thought I was responding beautifully to my therapy, my doctor told me I needed to have an autologous stem-cell transplant as the medicines were no longer working. Waiting for the transplant turned into an 11-month saga as we tried to beat down the cancer in order to make the treatment a success. The intensive chemotherapy regimens resulted in some additional health setbacks, including a sinus infection that ultimately required surgery. 

During this time, my husband changed his ringtone to John Waller’s song “While I’m Waiting”, (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-M7oGrOa2I&feature=related) which pretty well summed up our circumstances; we could do nothing but cling to Him, wait for Him, and hope in Him. Music, prayer, relationships, and spontaneous outings kept up our spirits. After almost a year of waiting to have the stem-cell transplant, we eagerly met with my doctor to cross all the “t”s and dot all the “i”s when she told us the bad news: all the waiting, all the delays, had given the cancer a chance to strengthen. She recommended that I undergo a second transplant, from a donor this time, on the heels of the first. This meant I would not finish treatment for at least 7 more months­­—MORE waiting! 

It wasn’t until two transplants and several procedures later, a total of twenty-eight months after diagnosis, that I heard the beautiful word remission. The wait was long, but thanks to our amazing Father in Heaven, it was never without hope. It was sometimes sad, but true to His word, “joy [came] with the morning.” I was often in pain, but He never once gave me more than I could bear. One of the best gifts was learning to trust Him and being able to testify that He is indeed faithful. We never knew whether I would reach remission, or whether I would recover at all, but we did know that He would never leave our side and that He would carry us through the trial. The testimony that He gave us of His faithfulness was a precious, precious gift. We don’t know the end of the story; we don’t even know the end of this day. But we CAN know that His promises are true, and that even in the worst of circumstances, His Word and His Spirit will give us life.

Poem: “Wait” by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait." 

"Wait? You say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word. 

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign. 

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply." 

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?" 

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

Dear Lord, I am so humbled when I think of all Your good gifts. Help me never to take them for granted. Remind me every moment of every day for the blessings You have given me. Help me wait on You for all my needs, great and small. Fill me with the certainty that my rescue will always come. Your love is sure, and You always help those who trust in You. Thank You for teaching me to trust, even when it is painful. Help me to serve you even—and especially—while I wait. Amen.

Thankfulness as Therapy

“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” 

1 Thessalonians 5:18

For most of us, an attitude of gratitude does not come naturally. As children, this attitude likely had to be cultivated in us by parents who constantly required that we say “thank you”. A selfish people, we often forget that we are not entitled to anything in this life, and that everything we have is a gift. Every good gift in our lives has been given to us by a perfect, loving God. Until I received my cancer diagnosis, I rarely reflected on what a precious gift the sunrise was, or that the amazing harvest moon that rises in the early evening was lovingly placed there by a Sovereign God. During my A.D. (“After Diagnosis”) days, nature was suddenly filled with beauty that had gone unnoticed during my busy life. The hours I have before me every day are now a precious, precious gift. As a cancer patient, it is tempting to look at the hours I might lose on earth, rather than the hours I have been given. The only way I know to shake off my despair at what I might lose is to focus wholeheartedly on what I have now. By listing my blessings and thanking and praising God for each one of them, my attitude shifts from self-pity to gratitude. If I begin praying in this spirit, my heart often changes by the time I reach my petitions. Many of my petitions don’t seem as urgent or important after I have spent time praising a Sovereign Lord and reflecting on the amazing blessings with which He has surrounded me. And what is one of those greatest gifts? LIFE! I have this day, and many days, to celebrate with loved ones, to make memories and to make a difference.

Last spring, a long-term cancer survivor recommended I read the book The Lies We Believe by Dr. Chris Thurman, and in the book is a chapter entitled “You Are Going to Die.” The author fills the chapter with wonderful quotes from famous trailblazers, such as:

“I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not just exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.” –Jack London, after facing death in the Yukon

“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss in life is what dies inside of us while we live.” –Norman Cousins

“As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so life well-used brings happy death.” –Leondardo da Vinci

Dr. Thurman ends his chapter with these words: “You have the gift of life to use as meaningfully and abundantly as possible. With all that you have in you, give life your best shot. Remember, pale death beats at your door. Live!” And to that I would add, Be grateful! Thank God for your life and praise Him!

Father , thank You for this gift of life. Thank You for every breath I take, for each time I inhale, and for every time I exhale. Help me to fill each hour of my day with thanksgiving for what You have given me. Help me to rely on Your strength to do this, realizing that I am a weak, selfish person who thinks too much about her own needs and her own desires. Keep me from wasting this precious gift of time, and help me to redeem each hour, for my good and Your glory. In the name of Your precious son, Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen.