Every Day Good Things Happen

This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is his faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, says my soul, therefore I have hope in him. Lamentations 3:21-24 

When I’m in a really tight place, or I’m admitted to the hospital again for the 7th time in a year, it can be easy to lose my positive attitude. And while I’ve been told it’s okay and even healthy to “wallow” a little and let myself feel the unhappy moments, it never does me any good to stay in that place. It’s not a life-giving, life-enjoying, life-appreciating place to be. I find it’s much better to shake off the self-pity and begin to wonder about the good things that will happen every day, and then to actively look for those good things. Is it the view from my hospital window? Sometimes, but it’s not always pretty! Once a hummingbird flew up to my 5th story window and entertained me for a bit; that was a beautiful sight in the midst of a brick and mortar metropolis and turned my thoughts instantly to the wonder of God’s creation. Life always conquers.

What is life-giving for me? Other life! The smile of a stranger, a text from a friend, the energy of a child; the bumblebee on flowers, the ebb and flow of morning cicadas, the cry of the mourning dove. I can be grateful for so much before I have even begun my day. Think of how many good things the rest of the day will hold! Yes, life is hard. Yes, there is tragedy in the world every day. But God will never abandon us in those places. When I look for the good, the evil shrinks and loses its hold on my heart. 

On a day when it’s truly hard to find goodness, I think of Fernando Ortega’s song “This Good Day” and I remember that the sunrise alone is a gift. “The world is turning in its place because You made it to. I lift my voice to sing a song of praise, on this good day.”

https://www.google.com/search?q=this+good+day+by+fernando+ortega&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari

Thank you, Lord, for the goodness we’ll discover on this day. Whether it comes through pain relief, an unexpected kindness or a moment of peace in Your beautiful world, You comfort us with Your presence and Your creation. You have not and never will abandon Your people. Rather, You are faithful to be close to the broken-hearted*. Bless all who suffer on this good day; show them Your glory and may they feel Your presence. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

*Psalm 34:18

Questioning God’s Direction

 “And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, ‘This is the way, walk in it,' when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left." Isaiah 30:21

The past couple of years have been a rollercoaster of remission and relapse, highs and lows. During the highs, we spent weeks meeting all our travel goals. During the lows, I spent time in the hospital, once for as many as 51 consecutive days. With high hopes that a promising CAR T-cell trial would give me a complete remission and at least a full drug-free year, I discovered instead that it has tethered me to the hospital for the past five months for thrice (and now finally, twice!) weekly blood transfusions. And the cancer? Well, it dropped dramatically to very low levels, but its persistence is worrisome, even after a good bout of cytokine release syndrome.

During my recovery, I have often wondered whether I heard God correctly. Was I really supposed to travel across the country to live away from my family for 3 ½ months? While everything seemed to fall into place so easily, I know that doesn’t always mean it was God’s idea. And yet…I’m still here! I’m able to drive myself now for the 4-hour round trip to the hospital! My counts are slowly recovering, with neutrophils back online, platelets holding for 4 days, and red blood cells holding as many as 12 days. It’s not where I had hoped to be after 5 months, but the prognosis before entering the trial was pretty grim. I took a chance, and even though I barely survived it, by His mercy and grace I've experienced many joys during this difficult season.

For one, the coronavirus quarantine has worked to my advantage, as it meant we had two wonderful young people in our home for several months: our youngest daughter, whose senior year of college ended abruptly, lived here while waiting to move closer to a teaching position this month, and a joyful college student who couldn’t return home to India stayed here until his college reopened this week. Our daughter was a tremendous help with driving me to appointments and making us delicious meals. In addition, two sisters-in-law and a niece moved to our small county for added fun and companionship, and we had numerous birthdays and anniversaries and holidays to celebrate. I’m incredibly grateful to have been here for it all, yet still wondering whether I heard God correctly as my prayer for complete healing goes unanswered. In fact, I need more healing than ever before right now! But today I’ve taken great comfort in the words of Susie Larson in her Daily Blessing for this morning, “Most answers to prayer come subtly, bits at a time. If you’ve been waiting a long time to see a major breakthrough, today’s a good day to look around at all of the prayers God has already answered….Don’t discount the small answers while you wait for the big ones.”

Every day’s a good day to remember what God has done for me. It might be something as subtle as a change of attitude, an opening of my heart where it has become hard, or gratitude that I can walk up the stairs without so much breathlessness. Right now, it’s the joy of being able to put my thoughts down in writing again and finally return to this blog! I need to remind myself to count my daily victories, sometimes hour by hour. God is always there, whispering which way to go. My spirit must be willing and still enough to hear His wise voice. But even if I mess up, I can rest assured that He’ll redirect me in the way that accomplishes His purposes for me.

Thank You, Father, for Your constant faithfulness. You always know when we need encouragement, and You always show up right on time. You know when we are going to mess up, and in Your great mercy and love, You always lead us another way. Thank You for using our trials to bless us, for turning even our difficulties into joys. To You be the honor, glory and power! Amen.