Count It All Joy

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” James 1:2—4

I wrote the following paragraph on my CaringBridge site about a year after my cancer diagnosis. As I prepared for an autologous stem cell transplant, so many complications (pneumonia, sinus infection) kept delaying the procedure.  Here is how God’s grace carried me through…

“Speaking of His grace...the most exciting development has been how God has worked on my heart and attitude this past month, always preparing me in advance for what lies ahead. After the second round of intensive chemo, I was feeling burdened by a sense of dread regarding the transplant. Time spent in the hospital is so hard for me, and I began to wonder how I could possibly survive 3 straight weeks hooked to IVs when God planted the Bible verses James 1:2-4 in front of me multiple times (as He often does to make sure I get it right!). This verse tells us to "consider it pure joy" when we face trials of many kinds, for the testing of our faith leads to perseverance that is necessary for spiritual maturity. So I began thinking about the transplant as though it would be a thing of "joy" and when a challenge would come my way, I'd call it a "joy" instead of a setback. These verses revolutionized my attitude and lifted such a burden off me, preparing me for the time in the hospital with pneumonia. And when I had a lung biopsy and sinus surgery, it was a gift to remember that these challenges had a greater purpose and that God would carry me through them.”

Reading over those words, I can scarcely believe it was real! I mean, really, who considers a transplant or surgery a “joy”?! But the “joy of the Lord” is not the same as the happiness we feel when our football team wins the Superbowl. It is more grounded and secure and inspires confidence and trust. The “joy of the Lord” frees our spirit from worry and enables us to rest in the palm of His hand.

Dear Lord, I rejoice that You are omnipotent and omniscient. You know better than I, in all matters great and small. Help me to trust in Your plan for my life, and to thank You for the trials that I face as I wait for Your deliverance. Enable me to live each day victoriously and joyfully, no matter the obstacles that I face. Most of all, remind me daily that when I am weak, You are strong.

Conquering Fear

“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” II Timothy 1:7

My husband posted this Bible verse above our bedroom door shortly after I was diagnosed. Fear can be the greatest side-effect of having cancer. Most of our fears can be boiled down to one: fear of the future. In our B.C. (Before Cancer) days, we had a happy illusion of a long life and so did not dwell on “what-ifs”. That all changes when a brilliant expert (aka: oncologist) looks you in the eye and tells you that you have an incurable disease. As Christians, we know that we need to trust God for our lives, but we still are not immune to panic attacks.  When I find myself subjected to a wave of fear, the best way to calm my spirit is to read the Psalms. I am reminded that all humans throughout history have been afraid, and that I am not alone. I am also reminded of how faithful God is, and how He always delivers and saves those who trust in Him. The Psalms sometimes bring immediate relief, but not always. Sometimes I have to use other approaches, like journaling about them, or forcing myself to think about the blessings of RIGHT NOW, as I repeat the words from God, “I have not given you a spirit of fear.” In order to live abundantly, we have to rise from our moment of despair and walk in faith, trusting in the One who is able to save. After all, we still have a beautiful day ahead of us to enjoy. And that is all that ANY of us has, cancer patient or not. Nobody is guaranteed thousands of tomorrows (except in eternity!). We only have THIS day. Let us take hold of what God has given us—power, love, and self-control—and cast away the spirit of fear.

Father God, forgive my lack of trust. Forgive me for allowing any spirit that is not from You to drive my emotions and my thoughts. I cast my fears away, Lord, and I ask that You would remove them from me as far as the east is from the west. My fears do nothing to bring You glory. Help me to replace them with thoughts and assurances of Your power, of Your great love for me, and of Your good plan for my life. In the name of Your son, Jesus Christ, I pray. Amen.

Unanswered Prayers

“The ransomed of the Lord will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.” Isaiah 51:11

What about prayers that God might not answer the way we want? Or even unanswered prayers? Don’t some prayers put our faith at risk? If anyone could have prayed someone through a disease by sheer will power alone, it was definitely my dad. He prayed so earnestly for my mom to be healed from ALS that he finally had to record all his daily prayers when he became hoarse and exhausted. One day near the end of her disease, my mom looked up at him and said gently, “He’s answered, ‘No.’” Did He? Was His answer really “no”? I thought so at the time, but looking back, I believe it was more like, “I can do better than that, my child. Come to the eternal feast, where you will dance and delight in My presence forever.” Prayers for healing were answered, just not in the way we wanted. But He didn’t leave the rest of us empty-handed. He gave us His constant presence, His strength, and His peace. He showed us His glory through supernatural miracles and gave us a testimony that we can share with generations to come. One of His best gifts was letting us hear my mom sing at the very end of her earthly life. She entered Zion “with singing”, filled with “gladness and joy”. Even the tune the Lord gave her was a hymn for Isaiah 51, reminding the rest of us that for those who are in Christ, death is not the final answer but a new beginning. When we pray in Jesus’ name, we can always have hope. We can trust one hundred percent that God’s answer will be for our good and for His glory.

Father God, I know that You are able to heal all diseases. There is nothing You can’t do, and You delight in giving good gifts to Your children. Heal me, Lord, from this affliction. Restore me to physical health so that I can tell of Your goodness and mercy for generations to come. But if You have something better in store for me, Lord, I submit to Your perfect will. I surrender my will to Yours, because I trust that You will take care of me and those I love. Your plan is so much greater than mine. In Jesus’ name, Amen.