“God is our refuge and
strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though
the earth gives way, and though the mountains be moved into the heart of the
sea; though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its
swelling…Be still, and know that I am God.” Psalm 46: 1—3, 10
The past few months have certainly tested our family but by
the grace of God, our circumstances have not overcome us! After snorkeling with
my teenagers one afternoon while vacationing in Mexico, I began walking back to
the van when all of a sudden my right femur just…broke. It just broke. It was a
very surreal experience, as most experiences are for those living with cancer.
I grabbed my daughter’s arm and gently lowered myself to the ground. I was not
in great pain, just confused and trying to convince myself that this was not
happening to me, and certainly not in Mexico, of all places! My doctor had not
wanted me to travel for other reasons, as my immune system was still
reconstituting itself after my allogeneic bone marrow transplant 7 months
earlier. We knew there was a tumor in my leg and had scheduled radiation to
begin the day after our trip, but the radiologist had assured me that the bone
was not compromised in any way. Apparently, she was wrong. I spent a day in a
small local Mexican hospital where I was never more relieved to have studied
Spanish in high school and college, as not a word of English was spoken or
understood. A kind, elderly surgeon stabilized my leg, and then my hospital in the
States arranged for a leer jet to pick me up in Cancun. Just two days later an
orthopedic surgeon inserted a titanium rod in the broken femur, and I was up and
walking and heading home.
My quick recovery was almost more amazing than the injury
itself! Yet, it took some time and physical therapy to regain strength in my
right leg, as I learned first to ambulate without a walker and then without a
cane. Friends once again rallied around us, bringing us meals and driving me to
radiation appointments. I couldn’t believe how quickly I found myself in such a
needy, dependent condition. Lord, I
thought, I don’t need any more reminders
that life is fragile and special and wonderful! I have learned this lesson—You
can stop teaching me! But during these four years since my diagnosis of multiple
myeloma, I have been practicing a one-day-at-a-time mindset. Life can change so
quickly with this disease and events happen so unexpectedly, that every day I
try to have my life in order. Every day is special; every single day I have
something to be grateful for. I try to soak myself in an “attitude of
gratitude”, giving thanks before leaving my bed in the morning, and when the
reminder on my cell phone tells me to “give thanks” in the middle of my busy
day, and before I fall asleep at night. And God is always so close to me during
times of trial that I can feel His presence so much more than during the
“easier” times in my life, which never ceases to amaze me and always brings the
joy that the apostle Paul writes about in Romans: “We rejoice in our sufferings,
knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character,
and character produces hope.” (Romans 5: 3—4)
Last month, I visited my older daughter at college, hoping
to encourage her by how well my recovery was going and how much I had already
resumed my normal activities. She told me that she had found comfort and
inspiration in words I had spoken to her soon after my injury, words I didn’t
even remember saying. She had asked me if God was ever going to heal me. I
didn’t know, and still don’t know, whether His plan is to heal me completely of
this disease. But, I told her, “He’s
healed me enough for today.” And that is truly all that matters. He’s given
me the strength and the courage and the hope for THIS day. This is the day that
matters—not all the tomorrows that have yet to be and that will never be
guaranteed to anyone. But look at what He is doing NOW! Today is a great day—I
am driving and cooking and working and serving and worshipping an amazing God!
What more can I ask of Him? He has healed me enough to live abundantly today,
and that is worth all my rejoicing, and why He is worthy of all my trust and
hope.
Thank You, Lord, for
the amazing grace that You pour into my life. You truly are my refuge, my
strength, and my “very present help in trouble”. I could not experience
abundant living without You! Because of Your presence that surrounds me with
such great love, I did not experience fear while alone in a foreign hospital; I
did not experience fear over the future. I rested in You and trusted in You,
and You were so faithful. Help me to abide in Your presence and Your love every
day and never take You for granted. Bless those who need You right now and who
are crying out to You for salvation. Rescue them and surround them with the
peace that comes only from You, that special peace that surpasses all human
understanding. In Your son Jesus’ holy name, Amen.
