“But I received mercy
for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his
perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal
life.” 1 Tim 1:16
Many times in life, but especially after a cancer diagnosis,
Christians fall prey to doubting God’s methods. I can think of many examples of
self-pitying statements that have flitted through my mind over the years. At
first, I wondered why a young mother of four with a relatively healthy
lifestyle would be stricken in the prime of her life. Why did He allow this
disease to attack me? Everything that reaches me has to go through Him first,
so why did He let it through? Then I often wondered why He made me wait so long
for healing or for any positive news at all, why He didn’t make the journey go
more smoothly (all cancer patients know about delays and unforeseen illnesses
such as sinus infections or blood counts that interfere with treatment), or why
He let me come so close to death that I wasn’t sure I would see another
sunrise. It frustrated me that He had the power to heal me with just a look, a
touch, a word, or even a thought, and yet He let me undergo countless rounds of
chemotherapy cocktails and two transplants before I could have a temporary reprieve
from my illness. Why do some people heal so quickly, some so slowly, and others
not at all? These types of questions don’t do anything for my faith. When I ask
them, I can almost hear God speaking to me as he spoke to Job: Where were you when I laid the foundation of
the earth? Have you commanded the morning since your days began, and caused the
dawn to know its place? Have you entered into the springs of the sea, or walked
in the recesses of the deep? Can you bind the chains of the Pleiades or loose
the cords of Orion? God reminds me that HE is Lord, and my knowledge is so
limited. As Job said, “Therefore I have
uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not
know.” (Job 42:3)
I have learned that it is useless to look back and question
God, but rather to look ahead and ask: What do You want me to learn from this?
And what do You want me to do with it? I haven’t learned all the answers yet,
but I do know that my illness forced me to rely on Him and to trust Him more
than ever before. I know that my faith has grown, and my priorities are very
much altered for the better. I do know that my circle of influence has grown
exponentially as people suffering all kinds of trials, from divorce to
rebellious children, want to know where my strength comes from. I haven’t
learned all the lessons yet, but I have learned that I was not created to know
everything; rather, I was created to trust and glorify Him. Rather than grumble
and strain against the trials of life, I need to seek His purpose for me so
that I can stand with Job and say, “The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away;
blessed be the name of the Lord.” (Job 1:21)
“Blessed Be Your Name” by Matt Redman (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Qp11X6LKYY)
Bless You, Father, for
loving me so much that You sent Your only Son to die for my sins. Bless You for
such an amazing sacrifice, one that caused You so much pain and suffering, so
that I can experience hope in my own suffering. Bless You for creating me to
glorify Your name all the days of my life. In the name of Your precious Son, Jesus
Christ, I pray. Amen.
